Kristen Hartnagel - Breaking Through Belief Barriers

Kristen Hartnagel

[00:00:00] Wendy Manganaro: Hi everyone. My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast. I'm so happy to have you find us. And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it. This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business. 

So sit back, relax. And learn from the practical to the woo-hoo, how to best take care of you. 

[00:00:31] Wendy: Today, we're gonna talk about what ifs and I am really excited about this conversation with Kristen Hartnagel. Let me read her bio and then we'll get right into it.

Kristin is the CEO of Evolve Now, having been part of for startups. She has worked with New York Times' bestselling authors, award-winning talent agents and celebrities, as well as billionaire influencers. She's a keynote speaker, professional singer, and business coach. Kristen helps you evolve into your next level of greatness in your business and in your life.

Kristen is also a certified trainer for Infinite Possibilities. A program to develop your ability to see the future for what is possible and not be constrained by limiting beliefs. How you show up to share your gifts and talents really is a spiritual endeavor and Kristen is the master at drawing out your best.

As a founding team member of the global personal branding company, Brand Builders Group, she helps her clients build and scale the businesses and personal brand. Kristen is on a mission to help you release the past, live in the present, and take charge of your future. Thank you Kristen, for being here and welcome.

[00:01:37] Kristen: Thank you for having me, Wendy. That sounds like such an incredible bio. Sometimes it's like wait a minute. Is that me? But it is I'm so honored to be a guest on your 

[00:01:48] Wendy: Thank you so much for doing this and I have been having a blast recording extraordinary women of all types, we've had everything from very practical to extremely woo, and it's been so much fun.

So this is a great time for this conversation. I love your idea of what if because people usually do them by the negative, right? What if this happens and it stops 'em. It's this whole idea of lack mindset and it could freeze people. But you are correlating it to something more positive. So your what if questions is a little bit different than I think most of the normal population, whatever that is, hears out there. So what is your what if question? Cause I think it's a little bit different. 

[00:02:29] Kristen: Oh, I agree. And I appreciate that. To me it's really a perspective because the human tendency is to think about the negative.

And so I always challenge myself that if I were standing in this center point of time, And the future could unfold in an infinite number of ways. Why not think about how good could it be? What is the best possible scenario for this thing that I'm wondering about? Cuz I wanna combat that tendency to go down the rabbit trail of what could go wrong.

So I really wanna say, what is the best possible outcome? And then I kinda wanna turn it over what is mine to do? Because action really could be inspired and I would rather take inspired action than to be my own worst enemy and get in my own way.. 

[00:03:21] Wendy: I love that. And it goes along with that what if it all goes right?

It's more inspiring to start with what if it all goes right? It's like when you do one of those brainstorming sessions and they go, No idea is dumb and then somebody always has a face.

You don't need to have a face, because you don't know where the best idea is gonna come from. 

[00:03:38] Kristen: Einstein said the imagination is everything. It is the preview to life's coming attractions, and yet we don't really engage our imagination. We're typically worried about what could happen, which means I'm actually imagining the worst case scenario and energy goes where our focus flows.

And so if I'm focused on the negative, I'm just gonna get more negative. So I wanna use my imagination for good. 

[00:04:08] Wendy: And Einstein, I use that example. He failed so many times, right? But it was through those failures that he got it right anyway because each time he could go, Okay, so now I know, and now I can imagine something else and try it a different way. 

Because I think people stay in the failure sometimes instead of flourishing in the, now I know. Now don't have to stop in the failure, but really move ahead from that point. 

[00:04:33] Kristen: Yeah, we have done such a disservice to ever have the expectation of not failing.

In fact, in Grand Rapids, Michigan here, there's something called Failure Lab, where they take highly successful people and they only let them tell a story about failing and they don't get to talk about how they brought that failure to resolution. They don't get to talk about the other side of the coin and making it through.

And the whole idea is to leave people feeling so uncomfortable about somebody else's failure so that you can get comfortable with your own. We have to get comfortable being uncomfortable or we won't grow. 

[00:05:13] Wendy: Wow. I would be like, I would sit there at the end going, Wait a second. I wanna hear the solution.

I wanna hear the solution. There's gotta be a solution. 

[00:05:21] Kristen: That is such the point, and it's painful. We do not like failure of anybody else's or our own. But to hear that these people who have such high accomplishments, high performers did have failure, helps us know. 

[00:05:37] Wendy: And there is something to say Oh, if I fail, then I can succeed. But if you don't fail, then you don't know you can succeed. If you listen to Abraham Hicks she always talks about if you could eat all of the food in the world, today, you could, but it's probably not a good idea.

Because you wanna be able to have something for later and success is the same way as every success came so quickly that there was no contrast then. Then there's nothing to look forward to. 

[00:06:06] Kristen: That is so true. Yes. I'm an avid believer and follower of the Hicks the Abraham Hicks movement and everything she stands for.

I love it. 

[00:06:16] Wendy: Yeah. So let me ask you this, were you always a positive thinker or do you have a pivotal moment in your life that shifted your thought process? 

[00:06:24] Kristen: I really think it was more of a gradual understanding, a gradual awareness that I thought differently. But I do remember some pivotal things that helped form my thinking, and that was really through observation. Like I was a little sister and I remember vividly my sister having a conversation on the telephone with her boyfriend at the time, and she was like, What do you mean you're not gonna come over?

You were just with your friends. Why don't you wanna be with me? And I remember going If I were him, I wouldn't wanna be with you either. And just knowing wow, how would I want to be treated? And the same, just observing, like when my parents got divorced, I remember understanding that, hey, I think my mom expected my dad to read her mind.

She wasn't really telling him what she needed and so I don't know. I think I was born a little ahead of my time that I could even think that way, but this power of observation and how would I wanna be treated? And that really led to positive thinking. Not only did I anticipate what other people would feel when I behaved a certain way, I was always thinking about how I could serve them, what would make them feel good.

And and that kind of just led to focusing on the positive cuz we have a choice, right? It's I would much rather feel this way. Do these things be this way. 

[00:07:47] Wendy: And that's interesting that you mentioned your parents' divorce because my parents were divorced too, and I know some people really struggle with the idea of their parents' divorcing.

And I was good with it. I've never looked at my mom and said, You've made a bad decision. How could you? It was an unhealthy relationship, and I was more proud of her for showing me something healthy and to rebuild her life from there than I was, than if she would've stayed in something miserable.

It gave me, as a woman something to stand on to say No, you don't accept unacceptable behavior. But I think again, about that choice of how you look things. 

[00:08:23] Kristen: You know it, the divorce affected my sister and I extremely differently.

She took it very personally, and this could be an age thing, she was three and a half years older than me, and I believed both my parents when they said, I'm not leaving you. I just can't live with that person anymore. . And so I chose to make the relationship that I had with each of them a good one.

And I remember observing again, like my sister, jumping on the bandwagon with my mom who was feeling victimized. And she didn't have a great relationship with our dad because she wanted to commiserate with my mom. And that was what each of them needed. But it certainly isn't what I needed. I had a great relationship with my dad and with my mom, and I think it all happened because of well perspective.

I was choosing whether I knew it or not, to feel good rather than to feel bad. 

[00:09:23] Wendy: And that makes a big difference. And it certainly makes a big difference in business right? In business, we have a choice. It could be the worst thing or the best thing, depending on how you look at and to that point the thing that comes to mind is like when you lose that client. So if you're in the branding, then you know, sometimes we don't get the client and I've never looked back and went, Oh my gosh, that would've been so much better if I got them. And all the ones that I've lost, I've always been like, if I really look at it, I'm relieved. And then something else will come better but I would miss what the next client that's really great. If I was looking at the ones I missed. 

[00:09:57] Kristen: Yeah, this is again a mindset of expectation. Like I really think it would behoove entrepreneurs to do a little checkup from the neck up. It's who would I think I am that every single client should want to do business with me? That's billions of people on the planet

So if I could really understand that I'm setting myself up for disappointment. If I think that everybody should work with me and instead just be lighter about it, I will be a fit. There are billions of people on the planet and I am the right person. I wanna magnetize more of those people, and I could have the attitude if this didn't work.

In the long run, it's better because I don't wanna work with the wrong fitting client. So I'm getting better and better at attracting the right fitting client and it's okay for the wrong fitting client to disqualify themselves. 

[00:10:51] Wendy: I love that And it's so funny the way that I learned that was my first big proposal when I had my own company.

They were ready to sign and two days before signing and they didn't sign. And I was so disappointed. And I had a spiritual coach who's since passed away, but she was amazing. And I called her up devastated.

World was ending. No drama back then at all. That's why I was working with her. And she said, Have you looked at what's next? Or are you gonna stay there and be in the drama of this? And really, the literally the next client that I signed that I would've missed out, it was twice as long, the money was better.

But if I would've stayed stuck in what I felt like was a failure, cuz you know, they were saying no to me, it tied into worth as opposed to, which I think this is a big part of the conversation, is that what if when we go down the rabbit hole, Everything wrong. It usually ties with our worth somehow, right?

Like we personalize it as opposed to just saying this isn't a good fit and it's okay. 

[00:11:52] Kristen: Absolutely. It's if we can listen to our self talk and really kinda discern, am I taking a victim mentality? Am I suffering from imposter syndrome? Am I thinking thoughts like if they didn't say yes, then maybe I'm not cut out for this.

Maybe I can't even do this. All of that talk is making it about. Instead of making it about the people you're trying to serve, there are people out there who need you. That just wasn't one of 'em. So who is next that I can serve? And that really is a mental switch and that's a such a healthier place to be.

It's like observing. That behavior and saying to yourself, Okay, this feels crappy, but how long am I gonna let myself wallow in this crappy feeling? Like just be the witness. Like 10 minutes, an hour a day. I'll give you a day. If you really need to wallow in this self-pity thing, I'll give you a day, but tomorrow we're gonna get back at it because there's people who need me.

I wanna go find them.

[00:12:56] Wendy: I love that idea and I used to be a severe complainer at one time and I can't remember what it was. And that's the really funny thing is when you spend time complaining and you look back and you're like, What was so horrible?

You can't remember, But I was complaining about something and a friend of mine finally said, I'm giving you two minutes a day to think about this. I'm so sick of it. If you're gonna be miserable about this, fine, but give yourself a time limit and what ended up happening is it taught me a lesson. Sometimes I'll try to be mad at something for a while now and then I'm like, Yeah, I don't like that feeling.

 So you're like that's not who I am today. I think that's a good lesson is give yourself the time and you'll notice that the time actually gets shorter cuz it's not fun. 

[00:13:38] Kristen: Yeah. 

[00:13:38] Wendy: If you don't like complaining, suddenly it's not fun to be in that mindset or feeling. 

[00:13:44] Kristen: Yeah. If you care about how you feel, but you also wanna honor self-care. Like this is not about being in denial. This is definitely not about chin up, buck up. It's Be aware of what's really happening and what you're really feeling, but then make a choice about it. It doesn't feel good.

I don't want to stay here. I'm gonna allow it. Which is very much like grief to me. , having lost my mom, my dad, then my sister in a very short amount of time. It's like you can let that derail you or you can say, Ah, today's a sad day. Like, how long do I want that to be? Like, I don't wanna feel this way forever, but still allowing it.

I think there's an important thing about honoring the reality of where you are and what you feel, because those feelings are there for your growth. So let them move through you and bring you to your next greatest version of yourself, rather than letting them own you and rob you of your. 

[00:14:47] Wendy: Absolutely.

I think I had gone on about a month at that point and she was like, Dear Wendy, please stop. And to the point where I don't remember what it was, but it was something I was young then and everything was dramatic in my world. And I think that there's truth to that too, right? Years ago, somebody, said we all have that voice, right?

That voice that stems from fear. And somebody said, if you just tell it to be quiet, it's never gonna be quiet.

So they taught me to say thank you for sharing. The adult self will take over now because you do wanna acknowledge that, right? I think that voice tries to protect us even though we may not as adults need that anymore. 

[00:15:28] Kristen: I really want people to not get mad at themselves when they catch a negative thought. Once we understand we have a choice and we want to declare, okay, no more negative thinking. That's again, an unrealistic expectation, but just get really good at catching it. And noticing it and then pulling the thought all the way out because the nagging doubt is an unrecognized fear.

And so if you can pull it all the way out and then you give it the power that it deserves, you are a thought. You are a puny thought and I get to change my mind about you. Only if I see what that thought is. I can't change my mind if I'm unwilling to look, and that's why it can be an insidious worm that does way more damage because I'm trying to stuff it than to really look 

at it.

[00:16:20] Wendy: And talking about thoughts I think there's so many people in our world that don't know how negative they are. So what are the warning signs to self diagnose their negativity that they may not realize that they have, especially as an entrepreneur, because I think the things that we tell ourselves as an entrepreneur, we don't know that's really defeating when we're trying to move to the next level.

[00:16:45] Kristen: That's a really good point. And I think you're right, we're way too close to our own behavior for us to be able to see if we're really glass half full or glass half empty kind of people, we might think that we're one way. But the biggest clue is are you happy? Because if you're joyful, if you have that baseline of joy that's where you are for the most part.

You're gonna have the ups and the downs, but for the most part, you're joyful. Then you're then you're pleased with the experiences that you're living in your life. And if you're not, then we need to take responsibility because the thoughts that we're thinking are building blocks that we're giving to the universe to create our future.

And so if I don't like what I'm seeing, I'm responsible for giving the universe those building blocks or it wouldn't be and it's an impersonal energy. It's not like the universe is sweeping some people's past clear to make it super easy for them and putting obstacles in the way of other people because they don't deserve to have something good in their life.

It's really I'm taking what you give me and I'm giving you more of that. And so if you don't like the what's happening in your life, that's when we need to say, Oh. What is mine to do differently? How can I see this differently? How can I own this? What can I be thinking about differently in order to create some different 

experiences? 

[00:18:14] Wendy: I completely agree with that because, it goes back to the Universe always says yes. That's why we have to be really clear of what we're asking and saying, because it just gives you more of what you're putting out there. 

[00:18:29] Kristen: Yeah, and we've known this forever. Think about the old quotes, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're probably right.

We've known this forever but my avatar is people who are spiritually open minded, they get this but they're still not applying it, or they're disappointed with their experiences that life has. So they need some kind of spiritual breakthrough.

[00:18:51] Wendy: You're absolutely right. I think that the knowledge is out there for most people. It's not something that's hidden. I think most of us have had some experience and it's an acceptance to a belief. 

[00:19:03] Kristen: When the law of attraction first came out, when the secret first came out, when Abraham was first gaining in popularity, there was a surge in, positive thinking.

And a lot of people jumped right back off that bandwagon because they didn't get the material things that they were looking for. And they said, This stuff doesn't work. But the bottom line is it's a way of being and it's it's an everyday decision to focus on the positive and to do the internal work to remove the obstacles and the barriers.

Sometimes you have this repeating life experience and you're like, I thought I already worked through that. Why is this showing up again? And that to me is the biggest gift of all, because even though it feels like crap, it's showing me that there is something in me in need of healing, or I would not be bumping up against this again and again.

So can I see it for a gift, which is why my tagline in my personal brand is Holy Shift, everything's a gift. If we could see that, even the things that don't feel good are an opportunity for me to do that deep internal work of, okay, I have a pushable button. If I didn't have a pushable button, I wouldn't have my button pushed.

So I need to figure out what is in me, in need of healing so that I can remove that Pushable button. 

[00:20:29] Wendy: I talk about that a lot. The lesson will continue to present itself until it's learned. And I think that even happens in layers. For example I come from a it's just business culture. And one of the hardest lessons when I started my own business was come out of that mindset of business was something so separate you weren't part of it. Today, If I hear it's just business, you may not match my values. Because it's just business, right? So that's even one of those things where like you start to learn how to go, that's okay. Where at one point in time I might have taken on that client anyway and went, Why am I so miserable?

That's what ends up happening until you go, Oh, that's not the right person for you. You are in two different places. 

[00:21:15] Kristen: Yeah. So my personal brand is like spiritual breakthrough coaching, but with Brand Builders Group, we did a study on the trends in personal branding, and I think it was very fascinating that the data revealed

people want to do business with people whose values align with their own. That's not a surprise the surprise is most corporations don't have somebody that they're positioning as that person who's revealing the character of who they are. And if that's unknown, I'm going to go with somebody.

I'm gonna start buying from a company whose out there revealing their character so that I can say I want to do business with somebody whose values align with my own. If you're separating your business from who you are, that's a mistake. That is a mistake. People want to do business with. People who

they feel like they can support and people who support what they believe in. That's really what social media has done. It's cracked open this need to be authentic when I don't know what you stand for, if that's a mystery. I'm gonna go do business with somebody who's not so mysterious, who I can feel and alignment.

And this is attraction based marketing. This is personal branding. Can you feel that I'm your person? And if so, let's work together. And if not, that's okay. 

[00:22:47] Wendy: That's so funny cuz you know what I was thinking? Remember early days in Twitter? And trying to explain to people in business to remove the screen and still be them.

Cuz as a somebody who's done social media marketing for years that's been the whole thing remove the screen. You're still the person, right? But what's really funny about that? Do you remember when CEOs used to hide behind

their company. You didn't have to have any value. You could be the puppet master from above and social media came along and derailed that. And so that's why we see so many CEOs who are like I know that the eyes are on me

It comes from where we came from to now, which is only 15, 20 years ago. It's not that long ago that there was these great puppet masters. We could have a whole show on this. 

[00:23:34] Kristen: Oh yeah. That dissolved trust. The bottom line is we've become jaded because we've had people who have purported to be one way and it be revealed that they're not that way and we will not put up with that anymore.

So we know that we want people with heart, we want to work with people with character, and I think that this is a beautiful thing. That it is now being forced upon everybody to say, Who am I? Because to be honest, for businesses to make decisions that negatively impact people, they can't really know who they are and still make those decisions.

That is complete separation of business and who they are because as human beings. When you talk to any individual human being, there is heart there. But we can make horrible decisions when we don't put the needs of other people before our own. 

[00:24:27] Wendy: Absolutely. And I think that the difference is that hopefully we are moving toward a society, that the onus is to help first and business second. I think that's where companies need to continue to go. When we're talking about values, are we acting on them?

Cause there's enough money out there for everybody. 

[00:24:46] Kristen: You're right. And you can see when people are making decisions based in love or based infear. 

[00:24:52] Wendy: Yep. 

[00:24:52] Kristen: And if money is their bottom line, then they're making decisions based in fear.

And as a society, as a species of humans, we are wanting more to make decisions based on love. And that is why I think personal branding is so huge and why spiritual breakthrough coaching is in such high demand. Because people are saying, I feel this new thing that's growing and I'm not quite sure if I do know myself, I'm not quite sure.

How do I figure out who I am and how do I make decisions that are really serving one another? That's a great way to base your decisions is it about me or is it about the people I serve? How can I do more for that? 

[00:25:35] Wendy: Oh yeah. We, you and I could do a whole show on that, but We'll, cause I'm 150% in agreement of all of that.

So let's talk about some quick solutions. When somebody has this idea of lack mindset. What is one helpful step that someone can start to take what once they realize that there might be a problem with their thinking in the fact that it's just a little more negative than they thought. 

[00:26:01] Kristen: Yeah it's good to come back to something practical rather than just something that's ethereal.

Mindset is the first step. I have to be thinking to myself, how can I be more about the people that I serve than about whether or not I get the business? So once that's a go to new way of being, checking in is it about me? Is it about the people I serve? Then some tangible things that they can do is to actually talk from the lens of the problem you solve, and this is very much personal branding. The problem is most people live in the space of the solution. So we're used to saying, Here's a benefit, Don't you wanna work with me? This is an outcome. Don't you want that outcome? Here I am. Don't you wanna work with me? And the bottom line is, I'm not feeling that you have what I need now.

I have a problem that I need solved. And if you can give words to the problem, then I can see you, I'm gonna assume that you have the solution. I'm not talking about being negative. I'm just saying you want this, but you're here. The reality is here and it doesn't really feel good to not be where you wanna be.

And so let me talk about what it feels like to not be where you wanna be so that I get you, now that you know that I get you. I do have something that you can do that's going to solve that. And that is a shift. It's a little bit more of a journey. We don't want it to be one directional, energetically, here I am, here's what I do.

Don't you wanna work with me? We want to serve them by saying, I see you. I get that. I don't want that for you anymore. I have a solution. Can we talk? And that really is what we can do on a consistent basis is come from the lens of the problem that I solve, put yourself in the shoes of the people that you wanna be working with, because if you can't answer, why should somebody work with you over anybody else in your space?

How can anybody else? 

[00:28:03] Wendy: Absolutely. Oh my goodness just, Yes, I think we're twins because, I talk to my clients about this because they'll say, I don't understand why nobody's reacting on my social media, but it's so one sided, just saying buy from me doesn't make anybody wanna buy from you. I love you. Do not put another link up. Nobody wants to see another link. There's something authentic and even, when you're talking about avatars, people miss this and they go, like you were saying, from fear of I need the money, so I'm gonna say yes. As opposed to does this really work for me? Are we matching values? Cuz one of mine is if I don't wanna hang out with you on a Friday night, I'm not doing business with you.

I'm sorry. If I dread seeing you any other time than doing business with you, we are not gonna be a good fit. And learning how to, like, when I do demographics with people what kind of personality? Let's start there. 

[00:28:51] Kristen: That's so good.

[00:28:52] Wendy: We could have a whole show. We'll have to have you back and just do a show on that. We could talk about this for hours. You have an offer for our audience. I'd love to hear what it is and how people can get in touch with you. And to that point, I do marketing strategies , you do branding and I want ladies to hear this. There doesn't have to be a competition. There's no need for that because the perfect client is out there for Kristen. There's perfect clients out there for me, and it's okay.

[00:29:21] Kristen: Absolutely, no doubt about it. For me if your listeners are thinking, I've got some spiritual tools, but my life isn't going the way I really wanted it to, that means that they're really looking for some spiritual breakthrough work together. And so there is a webinar that I did, it's called Breaking Through Belief Barriers.

And so they can go to kristen hartnegel.com/get started/BBB, which stands for Breaking through Belief Barriers and they can watch that webinar. So it's just like a free little training. And if they resonate with that and they wanna learn more they can learn how to book a call with me or get in touch with me to do more work together.

And if personal branding is the thing, there's also like a link on my website about personal 

branding as. 

[00:30:09] Wendy: That's awesome. Thank you so much for spending this time. I love this conversation with you.

[00:30:14] Kristen: Me too, Wendy. 

[00:30:16] Wendy: To my listeners, I hope you have a blessed and abundant day .

[00:30:20] Kristen: Thank you.