Meryl Hayton - How to use EFT to transform your self sabotage.

[00:00:00] Wendy Manganaro: Hi everyone. My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast. I'm so happy to have you find us. And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it. This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business. 

So sit back, relax. And learn from the practical to the woo-woo, how to best take care of you. 

[00:00:28] Wendy: Today I Have a new guest Meryl Hayton and I'm gonna share with you her bio, and then we're gonna get right into it cuz she's got a wealth of information that I think every female entrepreneur needs to learn about.

Merrill's an accredited, certified EFT practitioner and law of attraction lover helping you heal from your past. Let go of fear, doubt, and what's keeping you second guessing yourself so you have more loving and supportive relationships, a fulfilling career and vibrant health in your. She loves facilitating her clients through deep healing and transformation of their inner critic and inner child. She was an accounting professional and turned nail salon owner, and now EFT tapping coach using her fingers all along the way. She's been on a lifelong journey of healing herself and found EFT and law of attraction to be the catalyst, which helped her quantum leap her results faster than anything.

And it's her mission to share it with the world. She loves speaking and sharing her story with samplings of EFT at wellness events or on podcasts. And here she is on our podcast. Welcome Meryl. Thanks for coming and joining us. 

[00:01:37] Meryl: Thank you. Thanks for having me.

[00:01:38] Wendy: Yeah, I'm really excited. And you are another Jersey girl.

[00:01:41] Meryl: Yes, I am. 

[00:01:42] Wendy: I've been very excited to have my Jersey girls along with me. So yeah, we're gonna get into it because I learned about EFT 10, 12 years ago, but there's a lot of people out there who still don't know what EFT is. So could you tell them what it is?

[00:01:56] Meryl: Absolutely. So EFT means emotional freedom technique, or also known as tapping. And it's very similar to how an acupuncturist would use needles in your Chinese energy Meridian points to promote healing from within, to shift your energy to elevate your mood or your body heal in any way possible.

It's the same thing, but we're using our fingertips instead to tap on certain points. We don't tap on the entire body necessarily. There's 300 points, but we typically use what's called the basic recipe which is side of the hand there's points on the face, under the collarbone and under the arm.

And pretty much I'm your detective and guide helping you to use EFT together with me to remove emotional clutter, that's in your way to getting to the goals that you want; your relationship goals, your health goals, your career goals, your money goals, whatever they are. That's my niche.

You can use this for anything. You can use it for chronic pain illness. And what I love to use it for is helping people to self regulate. If you are someone that has a lot of anxiety and you're in your head overthinking and overwhelmed, and you're not really able to shut that down.

EFT is an incredible tool for that. And you end up getting long lasting, permanent results. It's not something that you're gonna have to do necessarily every day, all day for the rest of your life. The other great part of using this modality is that we can help to heal your past.

So mother wound, inner child wounds, traumatic events from your past, all sorts of stuff. And one of the beautiful processes that I love is self-compassion tapping, which is helping you to merge your wounded, inner child with your now mature intellectual adult self. So that merge brings in incredible confidence and safety into your body that you might not have had growing up.

 All of my clients have something from their past, that energy is still stuck in their system. And that's what we work on healing. And then their homework is usually to practice EFT, to just keep self-regulating their daily challenges, their daily anxiety, the things that are still triggering them today.

And it's really just an incredible process and it does work very quickly. It's my clients have quantum leaped forward in a few months faster than they had in years, going to therapy because we're not really sitting and talking. I'm not just listening, to their woes or their past, or it's really, how did it make you feel?

And I don't even need to necessarily know the details, especially of traumatic events. I've worked with clients. I don't even know what the traumatic event was and we've wiped it out completely. So it's not that the image is gone or that the story is gone. There's just no attachment to it anymore.

And sometimes there is a complete reframe of a perspective. 

[00:05:01] Wendy: I love that because I'm pretty transparent. I've done little bits of EFT and I've done lots of therapy throughout my lifetime but I do like this idea that not everything requires us to go relive the trauma in order to get to a solution.

It's just something you learned as a child and so maybe there's some instances where reliving the trauma wouldn't actually help because you didn't know that it's really. Related to that. It's just related to something in the past.

[00:05:30] Meryl: So when we do tapping, if we have incredibly intense emotions, you wanna just tap and take a deep breath on each point, but typically we say psychological phrases that pertain to whatever our issue is and that's what helps to wipe it out because you have to focus exactly on what your truth is in order to wipe it out completely.

So you can't be on general. I have all this stress and really wipe out your event, or deep, traumatic situation that happened, you have to get specific on how it makes your body feel and the emotions that are attached to it.

[00:06:02] Wendy: So what was your experience and like that you wanted to learn about EFT or what was your catalyst? 

[00:06:09] Meryl: I can remember back to being very young at three years old, where I felt forgotten by my parents.

I'm always on a a journey of self development, so there's always layers that we're removing, but I've had incredible negativity, doubt and self judgment, in my mind. And it really came from my mom being critical and her parents and all sorts of things.

So I didn't really have any major traumatic events, but I still grew up with an incredible amount of negativity and all of that caused anxiety in my body and me to form this defense mechanism around my energy, where you're not gonna hurt me. So I had this angry, bitter defensive kind of attitude about myself and 

I knew it wasn't serving me. And I was constantly on this journey of h ow do I change? How do I grow? How do I get rid of this? And it led me to becoming a yoga teacher. And then that led me to, I think I wanna become a coach and, help people heal the way that I've healed. And my first mentor slash coach did EFT tapping, and I had some incredible shifts with it.

I started teaching it and offering it in-person workshops and then said this is my modality. I can go to other people and have energy healing done and, all sorts of intuitive sessions and do all the sound healing and all that stuff that I love too. But this is what I'm using for myself and in my practice.

So I got certified and then accredited and then I started studying law of attraction with my coach and I found that o nce you do enough healing and you get yourself to a certain point where you have this space now, the energetic and the mental space to really be able to plan and think about your future.

that's law of attraction. Getting into that, being able to tap in, anchor into that emotion, that's attached to what you really want in your life. So that's been the two worlds that I've married together and created my own five step signature process called the emotional heal, the emotional clearing method.

[00:08:12] Wendy: I'm curious about that shift you made from I'm gonna go to yoga because you're seeking something, that makes you feel better.

For you, you go to yoga and you go, okay, this starts to feel better. There's a process though, that happens when people start to finally search out a mentor or coach from that point. I can tell you my story really quickly.

 I was going on along my little spiritual journey, but I'm like something's still not quite. And it was a really accidental thing where it was actually the business world where I started to realize that there's coaches out there and what I found was you need different coaches at different times of your life. But mine was really accidental, I knew the coach from New Jersey. This is really funny. I moved to Kentucky.

She ended up speaking in Texas. And when I went to Texas and realized that she should be my coach. I knew her for years in New Jersey. And I was like, this is what I'm missing. It took me going to an event where I went around other women who were higher vibration and I was like oh, this is what they do, because I was always felt why would I pay somebody to do what I could do for myself?

That was the mindset that I was given or grew up with and around. So what was that for you that you went like oh. For me, it was being around women who I saw, who were happier, their businesses were going well. they were doing. And I was like, oh, there really is something else.

I don't have to keep spinning my own wheels, trying to figure it out on my own. How did you realize that moment when you went, oh, I need something else?

[00:09:41] Meryl: I've always been a seeker and I've always followed the bread crumbs of my intuition and I was a nail salon owner for 30 years.

And because of being burnt out, that led me to practice yoga, which led me to become a yoga teacher and then start to really listen more to what my body needed self care wise. Yoga for me was more of a p hysical practice. Yes, there's absolutely a spiritual component to it, but it was really more of a physical practice for me.

I was in my second advanced level yoga teacher training, and I knew in about one year I was going to just close my salon and move on. What was I going to do? And, I knew a life coach who trained people to become a life coach. And I called her and she said, I would just start researching, energy healing, all the stuff that you love in the alternative world and see what pops out to you.

And so I did that. I started researching and I looked up in the job market, even though I wasn't looking for a job, I just looked on the job market, all sorts of alternative and holistic healing wellness. And I came up with a mind body medicine practitioner. There was an actual job for that.

And even though I wasn't certified, I applied for it I was like, I'm just gonna push myself and apply for it anyway. They didn't call me, but it just got me in the energy of researching it. Oh how do you become a mind body medicine practitioner? Oh, you can actually get a degree in it at a college, but I ended up finding Dr.

Kim Deramo who's my first mentor slash coach. She was doing a four and a half day workshop up Massachusetts on mind body medicine. And I literally got the catalog in the mail, opened it up right to the page. I would say all of my breadcrumbs are always like synchronistic that way, all meant to be in my lap. So I went. There I really learned that a lot of my mental negativity, mental warfare, all this emotional clutter I use those words is all about me not feeling enough. And this whole group, there was about 20 or so of us in this group.

And she focused a lot on that. So I started weaving that theme into my yoga classes and then started teaching workshops on, I am enough helping people to increase their worthiness. And honestly, every single one of my clients has that. It's the bottom layer of every problem is some sort of, I'm not worthy.

I don't matter. I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough, something like that. And that's you know how I found it.

[00:12:12] Wendy: That is so funny because the first thing that I worked with my coach was I am worthy. That was the first greatest like lesson that I learned. I was like, I has no idea that I was telling myself I wasn't and I couldn't figure out why life wasn't

panning out in any area. Not that it was Terrible, but it felt like an uphill battle whether it was money or relationship, it just felt like this uphill, constant battle. So I love that was your first Lesson. And you're right.

It's always a catalyst. And I think when you think of law of attraction, there's that idea of lack. And I'm not worthy is part of that lack mindset. So let me ask you this then, this is for female entrepreneurs, which you are one of them.

For those who are new to law of attraction and this idea of EFT I think sometimes there's this idea that once you get into law of attraction, you're never gonna have a negative thought.

You're never gonna have a problem in the world. I'd love to know how now that you have experienced doing. And you're teaching others. How do you handle that when it comes up? Do you catch it quicker? What are those things that you can say oh, this is starting to go into a negative swing because I think what happens too entrepreneurs we're like, oh, everything's great. And sometimes we still are in the circumstantial world of it. How do you get past it so that it still balances out whether circumstances are going right or not?

[00:13:29] Meryl: You have to have your own toolkit and you have to know what works for you. So if something doesn't go my way, say for example female entrepreneurs. We can just use if you don't sign a client, what does that mean for you? If you don't sign the client, is it that you're not valuable enough?

Is it, you're charging too much? Where are you second guessing yourself? That's the piece that I help my clients through is you second guess yourself? I don't necessarily market. Increasing your worthiness because people don't know that. I didn't know that I felt unworthy. K new I was second guessing myself though.

It really wasn't until somebody pointed it out to me, see all these, all the same trigger. The same things were triggering me, in my world, in my relationships and that's where it was pointed out to me that I needed to look at those behaviors.

So once you understand where the second guessing started, where it came from, what the root cause of it is. Then when you are triggered, you can say from a very curious place. Oh yep. There it is. There she is. There she is to trigger me again. There's my ego telling me oh, you can't do that,

that's not safe. You might get judged. And you have to be able to shut that down. And go into the energy of still moving forward to whatever your goal is. There just has to be more of the law of attraction piece than the old pattern piece. And it takes practice because I was still in the old pattern piece, way more than I was in the law of attraction piece, for a long time now they are very close.

There's like this nice balance. So there's way more of the law of attraction, vibe, energy, abundant feeling and things flowing in, then living in doubt and the old patterns. And when those creep in, I have the tools, and I still invest in myself with coaches, call my coach Hey, I'm having this, struggle with X, Y, Z.

And she helps to talk me out of it. And, it can be. Anything that's going to help you shift. It could be put on fun dance music. It could be, go for a walk. It can be, call a friend, but whatever it is, don't avoid it. That's like the best advice is, do not avoid it because you're only gonna stay in the old pattern.

[00:15:54] Wendy: I think that's really true. And this kind of boils back to this is that it's layers. I think that we continue no matter where we are, it's a journey, not a destination. So there's always gonna be a layer and it's not gonna always look the same, but it's still the same layer of the same.

[00:16:10] Meryl: What I've learned from myself is that when I'm in my spinning I'm out of alignment and that's my ego talking. And when I'm really grounded and clear and focused, and in my body and living from a space of knowing who I am and an open heart and, feeling expansive, that's an alignment.

So it's constantly listening and working from the head to the body or the head to the heart. Constantly. And that's the beautiful thing about EFT is it can quickly shift you from here. From the head to the body. 

[00:16:42] Wendy: Can you Go back to this quickly? EFT is tapping. And I know that there's certain points on the body and there is a mantra to it.

Some people do it as a forgiveness mantra. Some people do it as affirmations.

[00:16:55] Meryl: So a few things that I would say about tapping is that if you want to shift your energy you've gotta do the healing work first. Because if you try to say, oh I'm happy today. I'm great. I'm feeling great, but really inside your body, you're like, yeah, no, I'm not agreeing with that nothing's gonna shift for you.

You might get like this, surge like a little sugar rush, for a very short period of time, but it's not going to last. So you have to do you know, healing the root. Then you can really use EFT with tapping in the positive affirmations and all of that. Typically we'll just use, unworthiness here.

If you tap on the side of your hand, you wanna say. And even though psychological phrase that pertains to your issue three times, so it sets it into your subconscious and you add on an acceptance phrase. So you're accepting where you're at with whatever your issue is. So even though I'm feeling unworthy I'm just choosing to honor how I feel right now.

And even though I'm feeling unworthy just choosing to love and accept myself and you would be, repeating. And then even though I'm feeling unworthy, I'm open to the possibility of, increasing my self esteem and confidence and trusting myself. And I'm just choosing to love myself through this process.

And then you would tap on, I'm just feeling unworthy, right? Unworthy. Some people do both hands. I typically am a one hander. Unworthy. It's just gentle, tapping, unworthy, feeling unworthy under the collarbone. I like to do both hands here, feeling unworthy, and then under the arm feeling unworthy.

And then you would check in how did that word resonate with you? Oh you know what it really is. I feel like I'm, I have this fear that I might be judged. Oh, okay. If that's more intense, then the worthiness piece. All right let's go over there and then let's wipe that out. And then I always ask people to tap into how, where is the unworthiness maybe in your body or this fear of being judged, in lodged in your body somewhere.

Some people might say, I don't know. Some people say there's a heaviness in my shoulders, or there's a tenseness or gripping, in my body or my throat feels blocked. So this usually would be, you have a fear of expressing yourself or being vulnerable. The tightness in your chest is maybe where anxiety shows up for you.

Maybe there's something in your solar plexes, which is like the upper belly. That's usually where our worth is. So if you're not, having a real high self-esteem or feeling really worthy, you might have a sensation or something there all things to just really note, because our body really knows what's going on before we have the thought in our mind.

So you might have the tenseness in your body first. And then say, oh yeah, there's that fear. There it is. I know what that is. And then you can shut that down before you start overthinking and overwhelmed in your head and then nothing happens, you're not moving forward in your life.

Usually once we say we work on the fear piece, like the fear and the judgment piece, then I'll say Is this familiar to you? And they'll usually say yes, I felt fear about judgment since I was nine years old. Oh, really? Did something happen to you then?

Yeah. When I was in school, I had this thing that happened with kids, they made fun of me, alright, let's go to that event. And then we tap and wipe out that event and then moving forward, I give them homework on. The next time that you're triggered, about fear, just tap on it.

Even though I have this fear, I might be judged. I'm choosing to, step outside my comfort zone and love myself in the process anyway. And right. And it just gets easier for you because you're building your confidence since you've wiped out that old energy. And then you're able to really keep moving forward and step outside your comfort zone because ofthat. 

[00:20:45] Wendy: I think that it is like you're building a muscle. 

[00:20:47] Meryl: It is building a muscle. Absolutely. And then once you've wiped that out, then it's okay, what do you wanna create? What is this fear and judgment keeping you from creating? Okay. So let's tap into that, then you can make

activations. They're guided meditations that are activating you envision yourself, of the person that you aspire to be. And you can tap in those affirmations as well. I have a strong and healthy body. My business is booming.

I'm a money master whatever your affirmations are. You just don't wanna use negative words like you don't ever wanna tap in. Like I have no fear. No, that's not an affirmation. 

[00:21:23] Wendy: Thank you for saying that I have this app and it's called manifest.

And every once in a while I wonder, do they know that's a negative? Most of them are fabulous. And every once in a while I'll be like, Yeah, that's too negative. I'm skipping that one.

[00:21:35] Meryl: Our subconscious does not register the no word, so it'll just register.

I have fear which is what you don't want. It could be, I have I have the freedom to move forward or I have the freedom. Maybe that's your word instead of fear, or I have ease around or I courageously make forward movements, in my life or in my business, or, take the action steps courageously in my business.

[00:22:01] Wendy: In the early days of my business I was constantly worried about the debt I was in at that time. My coach Said let's change debt to all my bills are paid to zero. And I was like that feels not nice.

Because there was no negativity to it. I wasn't focusing on debt. So I have one last question other than EFT, what is the most important practice to stay in flow?

And why? Is there anything else that you recommend that really helps? 

[00:22:24] Meryl: Being creative and fun? I think is really important. I know for me, I grew up in a serious family a lot of masculine energy. Business thinking kind of people and I'm really.

The creative one. I'm the entrepreneur like creative one, and sometimes I can be really serious, but what helps me to feel more like alive and free and abundant and flowing is I'll go sing karaoke. I've taken improv classes. And let me tell you I'm not so great, but it pushes me out of my comfort zone and it allows me to laugh at myself and be silly and light.

And I love to dance that I'm pretty good at. So I've taken like hip hop dance classes, or I might just put that, on YouTube, on my TV or something and or dance around my house here or something like that. But yeah I would say that is really important to have, that balance.

[00:23:17] Wendy: I think you're the first one on the show to mention to have fun. Sometimes I have to remind myself too. Like you get wait a second, what have I done? That's not work or not family but what if had fun.

[00:23:27] Wendy: And it's so funny cuz I took up photography this year for the first time because I wanna do something that I can just go walk outside and plus I do I don't love walking. So this has given me a really great way to do this where I feel good about myself.

And it's just fun and creative on the other side for me to like edit pictures and stuff like that. So remind yourself to have fun. It's okay to do, especially when you're an entrepreneur.

That, that part that's definitely part of it too. So this has been awesome. I know you have an offer. So how do people get in touch with you and what's your offer for them? 

[00:23:58] Meryl: Thank you. Everything across social media and my website is all my name Merrill Hayton.

So my website is Merril hayton.com. If you do go there there will be a popup window for a freebie, and that is seven day tapping into worthiness mini masterclass. There's a nice offers in there as well. And it's short videos and emails, that you'll get daily for a. To help you to harness your full potential.

I am also part of a collaborative book project that's and that is called the ultimate guide to creating your sole aligned business. And it's 25 strategies from experts in the field. And so I have. Chapter that talks about how I went from food stamps to making high four figure months and, in my business and using EFT and law of attraction.

And then there's a whole strategy of EFT of taking you through an EFT session and I'm really excited about that book. And there are ways to work with me. There's a six week program to work with me and then there's programs that are months long in order to quantum leap you from where you're at to where you wanna be in your.

In your relationships and in your career. And it's really all about building a better, more loving, compassionate relationship with yourself. That's really what it is. 

[00:25:19] Wendy: That's awesome. Thank you so much for spending some time with me today. And I'm so glad that my listeners are gonna be able to hear this.

I think it's so much so great. And I think there's a lot that people can identify with so thank you again, me. 

[00:25:31] Meryl: Thank you very much for having.