Elizabeth Lykins - Inside Out Approach to Life

[00:00:00] Wendy Manganaro: Hi everyone. My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast. I'm so happy to have you find us. And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it. This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business. 

So sit back, relax. And learn from the practical to the woo-hoo, how to best take care of you. Have a great day. Stay blessed. And leave a review when you're done listening to the show, thanks so much. 

[00:00:38] Wendy: Hi Everyone. This week our guest is Elizabeth Lykins and, we are going to talk about inside Out Living. I'm gonna read her bio and then we'll get started. Elizabeth is a transformational coach, digital publisher, and author.

Elizabeth has extensive training and experience in emergency medicine and other specialties. She attended medical school in Seattle, Washington at the University of Washington Medical Center. She's been practicing medicine since 1996. She has received training and certifications in N L P TRANSFORMATIONAL Coaching, E F T C B T I.

Clinical hypnotherapy and life success coaching. She primarily utilizes three principles, understanding by Sydney Banks and the works of Eckert Toll, Don Miguel Ruez, and others in her approach with clients. Welcome, Elizabeth. 

[00:01:31] Elizabeth Lykins: Thank you. 

Thank you. 

[00:01:34] Wendy: I'm so glad that you're here because we got to talk a little while ago about this idea of inside outliving so of course my first question is, what does that mean to you inside outliving?

[00:01:46] Elizabeth Lykins: Most of us are conditioned from our early beginnings to look outside of us. To comfort us, to make us have some kind of a direction of what to do with our life. So we're always looking outside of ourself when what drives what we do that makes our life happy is what's going on inside of us.

And so if we're constantly looking to someone else to make us happy, for example, that phrase in and of itself, so and so makes me happy is always false because no one has that ability. You have all of that within you, and that's what living from the inside out means is tapping into what you already are hardwired to know, but you tune it out because you stop trusting yourself and look to everyone else to give you direction.

Now, that's not to say that we don't need education on things and guidelines but to think that someone else has the answer to give you happiness will always end in disaster. Always. 

[00:02:53] Wendy Manganaro: I can't agree more and, whether it's in business or personal life, it's like that theory especially as women might've grown up with this idea, like when you get the husband, when you get the right job, you're always waiting for your happiness because you're always reaching the next goal and then not enjoying anything in between.

[00:03:13] Elizabeth Lykins: And so we can look to other things and not to say that things don't give us joy temporarily. But if we're thinking things, people, events, someplace we have to get to, will make us happy once we get there, we're very disappointed cuz it only lasts a very short time. 

[00:03:36] Wendy: So in your experience, especially with the work that you do, am I on the right track of what people are searching for? Because, I've worked with entrepreneurs and I'm always like, enjoying the journey of getting there because you can hit the goal , but I can't imagine how many ways that people can look outside of themselves.

Addiction, definitely one of them where they're looking, that's an easy one to be like, oh, I'm looking for something outside of myself to make the inside feel better. But I think there's all these subtle ways. That sometimes we don't realize we do it either. I know the big ones like relationship and money and, but what are other ways that people do that, that we don't think that we're doing it?

[00:04:15] Elizabeth Lykins: I could use my own life for an example. I spent the majority of my life until recent decade really? Either thinking about the past or looking to the future and not enjoying the moment I'm in. And really the only life we truly have is right this moment because whatever happened five minutes ago is just a memory, or 10 years ago, or 20 years ago.

And the future is always uncertain. We have no idea what's gonna really happen, but we spend an enormous amount of time. I know I did not being in the present and missing out on everything. Everything. By doing that, I have videos of my daughter when she was an infant and I was working in emergency medicine then and working late nights and I'm looking at myself in that video and I don't even remember it.

Because my mind was somewhere else and I wasn't there at the time but thankfully I have a video of that moment, but I don't consciously remember it cuz my mind was somewhere else. And I don't think that any of us can really excel in life or be happy if we're constantly thinking about, if I get to this place, then I'm gonna be happy.

Or if only this happens, or if only I live here, or if only I do this, then I'll be happy. And it doesn't mean that we don't have to have goals because we need to direct our lives towards something, a direction. But if we see that as an end, we often miss out on the fact that what we thought we need to do is not what we need to do.

We need to change direction. We can get so focused on that goal that by the time you get there, you realize you don't even like that and you're miserable. I have a lot of colleagues in that camp. It's like they went to medical school for years and they're, practicing medicine out and they hate it and they quit and they have all this debt.

[00:06:27] Wendy: So, When you're in the midst of living what you think is gonna make you happy and to that point where living to what you think will make other people happy. Cuz a lot of times, especially when you have these high pressure jobs and I can't tell you the amount of people who say my parents wanted me to do this, so I did that.

 This thing where you're not really looking at if this is gonna make me happy until. Later in life when you're like, okay, maybe now I can, because maybe your parents aren't around or you've realized, but whatever that is, that alone, then you have the pressure of other people going. What do you mean you're walking away from that career?

What do you mean? Because it seems so foreign for those who are still in the process of trying to get things from the outside to make the inside happy. So how do people deal with that? what's the best way to be okay walking away from my medical career, or walking away from this relationship even though my mom thinks I'm nuts. Whatever that is because it's not satisfying me anymore.

[00:07:32] Elizabeth Lykins: I think that's where this viewing life from the inside out, which is really how it works. We just have to shut that off. What happens outside of us, we're just viewing, but our perception of everything is from inside of us looking outward. But we stop trusting that because we're taught to think smaller from the time we're little.

 Little girls don't do that. Good boys don't cry. All these things we hear and they're, well intentioned, I'm sure in most cases, but we stop listening to ourself. And so the way that you can always know the direction to take is checking in with yourself and really the way to get a heads up that something is not right, is how you're feeling.

So whatever our thinking is, our body is designed to automatically follow that with a feeling so that you really save your life. We're designed to have this either fight or flight mode. Or feed and breed mode when things are mellow. We eat, we're happy. And so if we're thinking things that are in our mind, stressful, our body has this automatic fight or flight response, and it can't tell the difference between whether that's real or if it's imagined because our body's not designed to do that.

It's designed to save our lives, our mortal life, and if you're feeling icky and unsettled and anxious, that's a tip off that whatever you're thinking cannot be trusted and you need to step back and not make any big decisions while you're feeling this unsettled feeling. And then walk away from that and whatever way that you can center yourself, whether it's just go take a walk or doing something truly mindless where you're not.

Something repetitive. I know a lot of my best ideas come when I'm absolutely doing nothing like washing dishes or something completely free of any real mind activity. It's a pattern that you do. That's when I get my best insights, not trying to speak my way through it, because often what you need to do doesn't come from your intellect.

The intellect can support that. But knowing what you need to do and getting this feeling that if you do this all will be well. I think that we don't pay attention to that cuz we don't trust it cause so and so said we should do this or that. And then you have this constant feeling of feeling agitated and unsettled and irritated because you're not doing what you really need to be doing.

And I think that's the biggest tip off for everybody. Listening to your inner voice or your inner wisdom, or whatever words you wanna use to describe something that's really formalist and doesn't have words, an acquired skill because learned early in our life to med out. But, if you're watching small children, they live entirely in the present.

They have a temper tantrum, it's over in 30 seconds. They go do something else, then they're playing and happy and they're over it. Adults not so much, and so we don't really listen to our own inner voice because we've been taught not to over the course of many years. 

[00:11:11] Wendy: I agree with that wholeheartedly.

And it actually brings up a memory of mine. I don't even know if I was in my early twenties. I was between the ages of 17 and 18 and I was definitely one of those kids that was brought up to not listen to themselves. I was in a mixed group of something and I remember thinking, I have this feeling and I actually followed it for once, because I was raised in you listen to your parents, you don't answer Back. I didn't do it well, but that's what I was supposed to be raised with but saying that, I remember going, I don't know if guys get this I really thought it was innate to women that like, suddenly I got this feeling in my stomach that maybe this was not a good idea.

Don't do this. This was not a good plan. It was so shocking to me to be like, I don't know what that is. Because I was finally at an age where I had to start relying on my own self as opposed to being like, my parents are gonna make this decision for me or tell me what to do here.

And I remember, and I remember a man there going, we have that too. It's called intuition. I was like, I feel like, I dunno what that is. Do you think that's generational? Do you think we're getting better? 

[00:12:24] Elizabeth Lykins: Some ways yes. And in some ways, no. The instant gratification thing is off the charts more than it ever has.

 If we can't get something instantly, we're irritated. and so I think in that respect, modern technology has us distracted by our devices, you go in any store, any restaurant, anywhere, and people may be sitting together, but they're not really interacting.

They're looking at their phone. Their iPad or whatever. So I think in some ways we might be acknowledging that you need to listen to your inner voice. And on the other hand, we have this technology that can suck us right out of that. And, I'm guilty of 

getting involved in that too. I'm thinking, no, I'm outside I don't need to be looking at my phone, who cares? Whatever is going on my phone right now, it's not an emergency. . If someone needs to, they'll call me if there's an emergency or something and so really enjoying what's around you takes you out of that constant mind chatter.

And then out of the blue, at least for myself and for a lot of people out of the blue, you'll get an idea that's completely unrelated to whatever it is you're. That is do this or you just have a thought that, oh, this is what I need to do. And it's not coming from your intellect, it's coming from a deeper place.

And I've seen that in my own life. Here's a recent example of that, our dryer. The knobs wouldn't function as a digital thing, a Samsung digital dryer, and it wouldn't work. And I thought, oh gosh, I'm gonna have to call the tech guy to come out and look at it.

And so I went over and turned off the circuit breaker and turned it back on. It still didn't work. And I thought, okay, I'm gonna have to call the guy. And then I had a thought check the child block. And I didn't even know that I had put it on somehow. Because I don't have a child in the house.

My daughter's almost 19 and she does laundry, so I wouldn't wanna lock around. But I walked over and I did that and it worked. And I thought, what if I hadn't listened to that? I'd be calling this guy to come out and we'd charge me gazillion dollars to do exactly what I did is just disengage the child lock.

Because I waited for a moment and didn't get all jacked up like I usually would , like irritated thing, oh, this stupid thing, it's not working, and blah, blah, blah. I just waited for a few seconds, maybe 30 seconds, and I thought, okay, how do I call the guy? And then that thought came. And I think it's in those spaces when we allow space between actions. We often get a direction to go in, but if we immediately react to something rather than pause and then choose an action, we get in trouble. And I'm certainly not a hundred percent on that at all because, when I'm in medicine, I'm in a fast paced environment and you're taught to react quickly, but that is not always helpful in your

personal life. It's really not usually helpful unless you're about ready to get hit by a bus and you need to get outta the way. So taking a pregnant pause as it sometimes calls where you just pause for a moment. Doesn't have to be long. Just stop and think, what should I do here?

Because things aren't really always what they seem. Even if someone is angry and, agitated in a grocery store and yelling or whatever, we don't know if their parent just died or, something horrible happened. We often jumped to a conclusion myself and that camp too. Then I, I just get irritated rather than think, what's really going on?

 And there's always something more than we see, but if we choose an action rather than reacting instinctively, and it's usually when we do that, unless we're need to save our lives usually not gonna work out very well because you just snap back at somebody and then that escalates things.

[00:16:29] Wendy: And that's what I was gonna ask you What is the difference between reacting and responding? 

Because how I react based on the instinct of the moment may be very different than how I respond, which could turn something completely around because I'm not overreacting. I call myself a recovering drama queen so learning how to take that breath to be like, okay, most things are not as big deal as my head initially wants to make it and it's been a long lesson for me. I still don't do it perfectly, but I do it better.

[00:17:02] Elizabeth Lykins: I think that's the whole point is not perfection but as soon as you recognize that you're doing something you're already learning. I spent many years of my life where I just was completely unaware of how dysfunctional my way of thinking was about everything.

And I think when you stop for a moment before you respond. It's very powerful. And even if someone's angry at you and you just pause and you look at them, it's disarming. They're like, you're supposed to be mad at me. Why aren't you yelling back at me? You can see this confusion in their face cuz they, they think you're going to respond in kind

and if you don't, it creates a whole different dynamic in any situation, whether it's personal life, business, job situation, whatever. 

[00:17:55] Wendy: So I'm currently Teaching my son how to drive right now and my mindset going in has been okay. Unless we're actually gonna be injured, I have to not react.

I just have to stay calm and I've been breathing . Because I don't want this to be a terrifying thing to him. I want him to feel confident. And so, we're practicing parking lots first, but, that kind of idea of being able to mentally tell myself my job is to respond, not to react unless we're in real danger, which we haven't been.

So that's been a real important thing. But knowing how to do that, where at one point, when my stepson was learning, the last thing I would've done is let that kid in the car. We're talking about a 10 year difference here, because I knew then I was not there. I was like, no, I will be completely reactionary.

I don't wanna ruin it. So his dad taught him. But with my youngest, I'm like, okay, I can do this. I can do this. I can keep my mouth shut unless I have to, and just let him experience driving and that it's not a scary thing. And that's essentially what we're talking about is this idea of learning, like you were saying to say, okay, how can I respond to this differently so that it's not a negative?

And that's the other thing too. And I think especially in business when we react and whether it's because we are gonna lose client or whatever it is I think that's that taking that breath as a business owner and saying, okay, this is not going to kill my whole business, let me take a breath. And Look at this because I think that's what part of what happens is a lot of times business owners, cuz there's a lot of fear in owning your own business. And I don't know if that thoroughly ever goes away, no matter how long you've been in it, but at least it's that idea of let me take a breath and look at what's happening .

[00:19:40] Elizabeth Lykins: Correct. And if your head is really feeling pressure about, if I don't get this sale, I'm not gonna be able to pay my mortgage. If that's all you're thinking about, the person that's gonna feel that. And they're gonna get creeped out and they're gonna run like the wind. They don't even know what the situation is, but they can feel this pressure.

But if you have in your mind that this is who I am and this is what I do. And if you, if we're a good fit, then I'm happy to work with you and I'll do my best for you and whatever your business is, right? That's a whole different experience for the customer. I think we all feel that on social media, for example, LinkedIn is a fine example of that, where you may accept a connection with someone, and then the next thing you hear from them is a three page how I'm gonna help you.

it feels creepy, doesn't it? Because there's not been a connection first. And I think, if we see perspective clients as people first, it makes the whole experience different. And it makes a big difference in the kind of people that are attracted to our business. People like to feel like they're respected and not

pursued. So it doesn't matter what the business is, if you have that in your mind first as to how I can serve this person and help them you don't have to be a doormat, and you have limits yourself. but how can I assist this person? Then if you take it from that perspective, you're not thinking.

Oh, I need the X amount of money that they're gonna pay me and then I can go on vacation and I can pay my bills and blah, blah, blah. But if that's not even part of what you're consciously thinking about when you're talking to each person, each client that comes in, they can feel that.

And they can feel that you actually are listening and care about what they want. And I don't care who we are, everybody wants. You go in any kind of a business and if someone is even if someone is halfway pleasant and respectful, you remember?

[00:21:50] Wendy: Absolutely. And I love it on LinkedIn, obviously. I work a lot on LinkedIn. I don't have but it cracks me up cuz one, I love the requests I get where they pre-sent something and I'm like, they didn't look at what I do when they are offering marking.

And I'm like, did they even read it? I'm like, that's an automated something and that's okay. I'm not opposed to automation. But the right ones. , I was invited to do a training, paid to do the training and the automation they sent me was like, we've never met before.

And I was like that's a very strange thing, but I think that's what we're talking about is there's such an onus of let me make the sale instead of, let me get to know the person or let me see how I can help, and then allowing it to turn into something as opposed to follow the guru. And a lot of people do that thinking they're gonna grow their business and it turns a lot of people off and they don't realize it.

[00:22:44] Elizabeth Lykins: And to that point, when people say, oh, here's the, the six steps to go through a ClickFunnel and you're gonna have this much conversion, blah, blah, blah, it's all nonsense because that may work for that person and that may be how they want to do their business, but I don't know about you, but when I'm on someone's email list, if they send me a barrage of things, buy, buy, buy, buy. I'm just turned off. 

And I may even know, of the people personally or, but the way that you message and the frequency, has an impact. I don't want to be one of those people. That annoys the heck out of people that I want to have a connection with. So I think that's where that inner wisdom can come in.

Is this whatever this person is trying to sell me and teach me, is that something I really feel that I need to do? Does that align with the way I wanna do business or even get business? Because many of those I think feel like a way of gaming a person and tricking them into buying from you.

When obviously we have to, present what we do and try to, make a sale. But it doesn't have to be creepy. You'd just be making a connection. Here's what I do and I'd love to help you out if you want. And, if they don't want to, then they go off and they may come back three months later and say, you know what, let's do it.

[00:24:19] Wendy: It begins with Adding value and speaking of living on the inside out. I'll get a call and hear , I need to be on this platform.

And when I say, why, well, so-and-so said to do it. It's okay, I'm watching them do this, so I should be able to do this. And I'm like, if you can't do it well on the platforms you're on, another platform's not gonna make a difference. It's not about how many platforms you're on, it's about

what's working for you. It's about making that strategy that actually works for you and your company as opposed to, let me make that strategy that worked for somebody else. And then they get disappointed because they pay a lot of money from something that doesn't work for them because it's not right for them.

Cuz they trying to fit themselves into somebody else's mold. 

[00:25:02] Elizabeth Lykins: And whatever it is that you're selling in a business , you have to think like the person that would be buying from you. What would you love? What would you like, right? If you were coming to your business, what would attract you to that person?

Or what value could you bring to that person? And, some businesses are brick and mortar, very simple we have stock on our shelves. You buy it, you don't buy it. But, most of the environment you and I are in is not like that. People have a lot of options and they may not even know that they need what you have.

 And so, in my medical work, people come in because they're ill or, you see a lot of behavioral health issues as well. Because I work in an urgent care. And so they are ready to hear something about what you have to say. But if you're in a coaching space or in, a space where you're trying to help people with their business or sales or whatever.

 A lot of people don't even know they need to know what you know. That requires a, a lot more finesse and a lot more intuition. 

[00:26:11] Wendy: Absolutely. So as we're wrapping up, I do wanna if, for those entrepreneurs, starting to realize or they're looking at their personal life or their business like life, and they're realizing that they're reacting.

Much more than they want to or they're waiting for that client check to come in, or they're waiting for, the next big sale, their next big goal or the next big achievement and saying, okay, I'll have a business then. Or when my son or daughter is out of diapers, because we do it in all facets of our life.

What's the first step of Realizing A, that they're trying to put their A happiness outside of themselves and then B, what's the real first step to stop doing that so that they can be more aligned and live in the now? 

[00:26:58] Elizabeth Lykins: I think where it all starts is coming back to the present.

When we're sad. It's usually a sad feelings about and thoughts about the past. We're usually not thinking back and we'll have moments where we're thinking of Happy talk but usually it's, why didn't I do this? If I'd only done this, this would be different or future. If this happens, my life's gonna be awful, blah, blah, blah.

It's to just pause for a second, take even a couple of deep breaths and just look around your surroundings. I'm in my living room. I'm safe. I have a roof over my head. I have a refrigerator full of food. I have mortgages paid for this month. You can bring yourself back to reality and get outta that little hamster wheel of anxiety that's in your head.

And the more you do that, the more you can feel what is coming up from inside of you to do, because that does not come to your consciousness when you're in the midst of running around on a hamster wheel, it just doesn't. So if you can't come out of that, you're not going to, you're not gonna know what to do.

And so coming back to the present, just even actively doing that takes you out of that thought pattern for a moment, it may go back, but the more you step out of that even whatever it is for you that's helpful. Taking a walk outside, listening to soft music, whatever it is that gives you a break from your repetitive thoughts for a moment is so helpful to get you started.

There's a lot of information that you need to know about yourself and there's a lot more to it than that, but that gives people pretty quick relief. Momentarily. 

[00:28:51] Wendy Manganaro: That is a good point to take that walk or take that deep breath for that moment so that you can and I love the gratitude thing.

 It's so funny cuz I do it driving that's when I get in my head I'll be driving and my thoughts go like left-sided quickly and I'm like, okay, let me start thinking about what I'm grateful for and I'll start actually saying it out loud and it's so helpful.

I'm like, oh that's right. That's just all things in my head that's not actually happening right now. So lemme talk about what I'm grateful for that is happening.

[00:29:18] Elizabeth Lykins: And all of us, no matter how evolved we are always straddling constantly. The human brain versus your spiritual self or formal self, or whatever word we wanna use to describe that thing, which makes us alive.

It's not our body, it's there's, it's deeper than that . So we're always living in those two worlds. And the whole point of life, I think is how. Learn how to do that well. 

[00:29:46] Wendy Manganaro: Yes, absolutely. I wanna thank you for being on the show. I know you have an offer for our audience, so I wanted to let you share that. As a reminder, everything will be in the show notes.

[00:29:58] Elizabeth Lykins: For those of you who may be having trouble with what we're talking about and feel like you need some help with that, I have a discovery offer for you where normally it's a two hour coaching, session, and it would be 50% off if you're interested in that.

So you can just reach out to me, by email, and that's gonna be included in the notes and then just mention that you heard about this on the podcast and we can set up a time, see if we're a good fit for one another, and take it from there. My website, probably the best way to see all that I do is, to go to my link tree website.

It's, www.link t r.ee/e lychens. And then you can see I have a number of free resources too, so you can check out what I do and see if, I can support you in any way.

[00:30:51] Wendy: Great. So thank you so much for spending , some time with us today and talking about living inside out.

 So thank you so much and until next time, if you loved our show, make sure you subscribe and leave a review.