Priscilla Rodriguez - Managing Stress & Self-Care Can Improve Your Self-Esteem

Priscilla Rodriguez

[00:00:00] Wendy Manganaro: Hi everyone. My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast. I'm so happy to have you find us. And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it. This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business. 

So sit back, relax. And learn from the practical to the woo-hoo, how to best take care of you. Have a great day. Stay blessed. And leave a review when you're done listening to the show, thanks so much. 

[00:00:38] Wendy: Hi everyone. Today we have another great topic. It is how managing stress and self-care can improve your self-esteem. Our guest is Priscilla Rodriguez, and I'm gonna read her bio and then we're gonna get right into the show.

Priscilla Rodriguez is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Texas. She's the founder and owner of an online mental health group practice, modern Wellness Counseling that specializes in providing relationship counseling to couples who are looking to improve their communication and connection, and also works with individuals who are struggling with anxiety burnout, past trauma and low self.

Priscilla has also shares some online courses that focus on relationship building, self-care, and improving self-esteem. So welcome Priscilla. Thanks for coming on the show today. 

[00:01:28] Priscilla Rodriguez: Hi. Thanks Wendy. Thank you so much for having me here. 

[00:01:30] Wendy: So this has been a really fun little project. We cannot talk about self-care and self-esteem enough.

Honestly, I find that the more I work in business, the more that this needs to be a topic of discussion. So what I'd love to know from you, is in your experience, does stress affect your self-esteem? 

[00:01:48] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah so in my experience, there can be a lot more comparison when you are stressed out and your self-esteem, right? So your self-esteem, there's this part that I, it's maybe a little bit more challenging to trust myself. Maybe it's a little bit more challenge to feel really confident in what I am doing.

So when I am really stressed out, I maybe will start comparing myself to other people. Maybe I'm engaging in self-doubt. So all of a sudden you're questioning a lot of things that are going on. Whether it's am I even doing the right self-care practices actually going to help?

So there's a lot of questions, and raising thoughts that can happen when you are really stressed out. It's really hard to focus in whether that's I'm trying to be productive, trying to get something done, or just trying to relax. 

[00:02:36] Wendy: Yeah, that makes complete sense. And actually, that's so funny. I was literally having a conversation with a friend of mine.

She was recently hospitalized and she's on the other side getting better. But she's not a hundred percent. And she's like, I can't go on social media. I can't because she's not feeling great. And she's like, I can't go on. All of a sudden, I'm so jealous. I've never been jealous of all these things that people are doing that I'm not able to do right now.

So I can absolutely hear what you're saying and as somebody who does social media, that's a big one. When we start to feel stressed and we start comparing what people are writing to our insides. I'm sure you find that. Is that something you find in your practice?

[00:03:13] Priscilla Rodriguez: Oh, absolutely. That's definitely something that comes up as far, whether it's oh, I'll go on social media to get some ideas or to get inspired. There's a really fine line of let me get on to make myself a little bit happy or

de-stress or relax or detach from whatever else is going on in life right now. But then it's so many targeted ads and targeted accounts, that it's gonna show you bigger or better things. Because that's what social media is programmed to do. So it's not even where you're at in life, it's this is how the algorithm works.

And of course everything have some social media is polished most of the time. So it's not really a reality, that you're seeing. So of course it's gonna fall into that jealousy mode or just that part of oh wow I'm noticing something so different than what I had ever experienced in my life.

[00:04:03] Wendy: Yeah, I was, and interesting about that years ago when Pinterest came out, this is a long time ago. As we're talking about self-esteem, I had written an article for a psychology magazine because so many women at that time were pinning everything and feeling like they were not, worthy because they felt like they couldn't keep up with the amount of pins

 that they were pinning. And it's supposed to be an ideal board. It's not supposed to be you have to do everything because you pin it and women were starting to really have self-esteem issues at that time because they really thought that they were supposed to keep up with the thousands of ideas, that just are there.

Doesn't mean that we have to compare and do every one of them . 

[00:04:45] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like a to-do list versus an idea or inspiration part. 

[00:04:50] Wendy: So, as far as self-care self-esteem and burnout, does burnout equal to lower self-esteem?

Or do we get burned out because we have low self-esteem? That's a very curious question that I just came up with, but yes, I'm curious 

[00:05:02] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah, I feel like they're so intertwined together where it's kinda a chicken and egg effect there.

Cuz it's definitely the high level of stress. This constant demand to keep up often leads to this question of, can I keep up? And then it's no, yeah, I can do it. I can do it. I've kept up with everything else in my life. I can do it. So then you push yourself.

But then over time it, this is where burnout maybe starts to happen. I'm getting so tired. And then you start questioning your ability to keep up. So then it's this piece of my self-esteem starts to also get chipped away, cuz now I'm questioning myself.

And I'm tired of trying to keep up with the demand that, other people or society or social media, whatever, family, partner, whoever may be, is putting on you maybe even yourself. There's this narrative of, I have to be perfect. I have to do it a certain way.

So there's this part that is too much. So they go hand in hand, as you're experiencing this higher level of burnout, you may be experiencing this lower level of self-esteem because there's this constant doubt and questioning that is happening. 

[00:06:04] Wendy: That's interesting. And I know for me, the older I get, And I'm finally okay with this.

At one time I wasn't, life is different. And I think that sometimes we don't see that life is different, so we're not gonna keep up with what we used to because life is different. But physically life is different too. And I hear that a lot I used to be able to do this. There's this expectation that at every level of your life, you're gonna be able to do what you did. And I don't even know if that's really quite healthy to think that. 

[00:06:34] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah. I think there's an acceptance. Maybe even this part of, Hey, I was doing this five years ago, but in this season in life, I don't need to do it anymore, or I don't want to do it anymore.

Now I'm realizing I actually hated doing that. So even this part of was that really even needed? Maybe it was needed then, because now I know a little bit more but it's safe for me to let go of that and know that I'm gonna be okay. Without maybe pinning all the things

or doing all the, posting as every single day or posting on all the social media platforms. It's like, actually, you know what? I can do a couple here and there and taking care of myself versus doing this for the algorithm .

[00:07:13] Wendy: Right. So, and again, because I've worked in it and I've worked with women entrepreneurs forever with it, and that's the thing is learning what works for you.

And I think. Although this might be, this fear of missing out is for me, I get phone calls of I have to be on this social media. It's like you do? I'm just curious why do you have to be on there? And they're like, well, this expert said I had to be on there.

And I don't know if that's what it plays into. Does it play on that fear of missing out on something and then that ties to my self worth, I'm not gonna be okay. Or This will not work unless I do it this way. As opposed to finding what works for you but that idea.

 Is that some of it this fear of missing out. 

[00:07:52] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Fear of missing out, FOMO is part of I have to keep going. I have to keep doing, I have to keep saying yes.

I have to keep showing up. Even though I am really wanting to nap right now or just really wanting to, be by myself right now. Cuz sometimes there's that part of it, if I don't do this, I'm going to miss out on all these opportunities, which can be really hard, especially as an entrepreneur, female entrepreneur who's maybe even just starting up, of I have to hit the gun running.

I have to hustle, I have to get all the things done but then you lose track of you or maybe even the reason of why you became an entrepreneur. So there's this part of balancing and this self-reflection of where am I at right now? How am I doing? Cause I think that's a bigger part of like self-care is that there's nothing wrong with maybe showing up or attending the events, but it's how much time are you also taking care of you?

 And how much time are you okay to say no to certain things. Knowing there's always gonna be another opportunity, because networking events don't just stop. Social media accounts don't just stop. There's always gonna be more opportunity, but it's at what expense is that? 

[00:08:59] Wendy: So for you, were you always somebody who believed in like self-care and understood the ways to handle stress? Or was this something that you learned as a process too.

[00:09:10] Priscilla Rodriguez: Oh, definitely. Learn throughout the way. I would say I became fascinated with psychology and wanted to do counseling like the end of my college career, so like my junior third, fourth year of college. I didn't even understand that I had anxiety in high school. I was the person who was like, I need to be in all the clubs.

I need to hold the leadership position on the clubs. I need to make all the A's, I need to go to all the volunteer events. I need to do other things. Not knowing that I had this perfectionist, it wasn't ever labeled. And then of course going into college or end of college and then grad school when I was studying mental health, I was like, oh, that's what that is.

I started my own counseling in college for anxiety and that's when I learned Oh, there's a whole path here. Okay, this makes sense. And then learning about couples counseling and relationships. So this is when I just dove right in. So definitely having, throughout the process of learning it, being able to apply it and then see oh, when I take care of myself, I am much more able to.

Do better things. Because I think even at the beginning when I started my business, I took on that role like I did when I was younger of I can do it all. I can do the social media, I can manage the website, I can take the phone calls, I can see the clients, I can do the billing.

All the things. And entrepreneurs are listening to this are yeah, we know all the things. So it was right around Covid two, three years into my business and I realized, okay, I can't be doing all the things right. I'm starting to get burned out. So then that's when I started to expand my practice, sharing all these roles and contracting it out to other people.

And freeing my mind up, more importantly, cuz it was hard to Be present sometimes when you're trying to go to bed and you're like, oh, I can write this blog, or Oh, I can write this post. Or Oh my God, did I share a story today? It's like, okay, I can sleep better now knowing that it's being taken care of by someone else.

[00:11:05] Wendy: And I'm curious because I can't imagine being burnt out prior to going into the pandemic based on what you do for a living. But saying that, I've gone through that, where I've been burnt out 

and I resent my business suddenly or a client. I don't want to, because I'm like, I started the business. This is what I love to do, but I think there's something to that. Does that go together? When you start to burn out, you start to resent what you built. 

[00:11:27] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah. Oh, yes, yes. That's something that definitely happens when you've experienced burnout. There's resentment and anger, and even grief and dread. All these bad, worrisome, gloomy terms, because that's exactly how it feels.

It's like, ugh, why am I doing this? Why did I do this? And no one is forcing you to do it. So I think there's also guilt or shame. Sometimes wait, wait a second, I wanted this, but why am I feeling this way? So there's that part of definitely having to pull back a little bit.

And check of, okay, what is all on my plate right now? What can I let go of or delegate to someone else that has been such a lifesaver for me. And literally if not, I'm pretty sure I would've had several panic attacks and let go of my business if I held onto everything the way I was.

So I'm so thankful that someone told me, Hey, you don't have to do it all and having to be reminded of that, of oh yeah, I don't cuz sometimes you have to become the student again. So I think that's always an important part to help with burnout as well.

[00:12:33] Wendy: And that's true sometimes you need that outside voice and not necessarily family. You need an outside voice who can very clearly see into your business without all of the emotions that are tied to it.

Because that's the other thing is we're tied to our businesses. So for entrepreneurs, like what are those signs of burning out? Because I'm sure there's a stop before it gets to crisis but we don't know that.

[00:12:57] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah, and I think we touched on them a little bit. This part of you're waking up and you're resenting a client. You're resenting a certain type of project. You're resenting just going through your emails.

There's something about it that is like, Ugh, I have to do this. It's very dreadful. Anxiety. Which can play out in a couple of ways. Whether that is actually experiencing some panic attacks, tightness in your chest, just this constant intrusive thoughts and worrying, of, I don't know if I can do it.

I don't know if I can do it or I used to be able to do it. I used to hit these numbers and now I'm not. I used to do those and now I'm not. So there's this compulsiveness that happens. And then there's also extreme burnout. And you mentioned leading up to burnout, but I also just wanna point out this other side, which is no longer caring.

You just no longer care. If it fails, it fails, who cares? Whatever. That is extreme burnout to the point where yeah, maybe you should take a week off. It'll still be there when you come back. But maybe really having to just completely step away. Because I think there's sometimes this part of, you start to also notice sacrifices that you started to make.

So then you start questioning yourself of, gosh, I didn't go to my son's recital because I went to this networking event, and now this networking event didn't like playout what am I doing here? So then you start questioning yourself. And this is where, again, self-esteem plays a role.

So I think this is where it's important to be very mindful of how are you feeling? And I think it's something that we rarely talk about or really emphasize. Sometimes it's Hey, drink water, make sure you're eating, make sure you go to the restroom.

Ask yourself, how are you doing today? How are you feeling about your business? Where are you at today? Because being able to recognize I can then develop some safety parameters of, you know what, today I'm really low on energy, so I'm just gonna stick to emails today. I'll keep the phone calls for tomorrow.

Cause that's all I have energy for today. And that's okay.

[00:15:01] Wendy: That's interesting too that you say that cuz there is levels of burnout, I think. Yes. And realizing where you have crossed into line to extreme burnout. To the point where you don't care. When you're talking about those warning signs, every step in there, it sounds like you almost have to give yourself permission to be okay with.

Not allowing yourself to go there or give yourself permission to be okay with doing less. Which I think women struggle with sometimes. If we have all these expectations on us. 

[00:15:39] Priscilla Rodriguez: Oh, definitely. Yeah. There's that definitely a part of, what does it mean if I can't do it? 

Does that mean I'm lazy? I'm a bad entrepreneur, or whatever label you have. Daughter, wife, mom, does that mean I'm bad if I can't keep up with all the things? Maybe you start comparing yourself to other friends. Your mom. My mom was able to do it all and she had five kids 

and all of a sudden you jump into this comparison role versus just asking, Hey, what's good for me right now? And again, it's having tossed a notice right now versus forever. Because I think sometimes we can fall into this black and white thinking or all or nothing thinking.

That if I don't do anything right now, if I don't go to that event, my business is ruined. My life is ruined. So it can be all this, all or nothing, but okay, what do I need to take care of myself, for today, for these next three hours for this. And this will be okay, right?

Giving yourself permission to do less, for a little bit, so that way you can do more and feel good about it the next day. Maybe not necessarily more, but at least feel productive and feel good about it. 

[00:16:46] Wendy: Exactly. And I think that's sometime we say we'll do this self-care later.

Yeah. The bathroom one oh my goodness. I was thinking when you said that I used to be a waitress and I would go hours and I'd be like, what is wrong with me? I wouldn't even realize, this is in college. I'd be like, yeah, I'm so great. And I'm like, no, that's not great. That's not great.

That's just crazy. There's some idea that you'll get, I don't know, some sort of award if you can make it through torturing yourself, in some areas. Do you think that's cultural or do you think that's, more like innate that we do that?

Do you think it's based on the individual or do you think that's a cultural thing? 

[00:17:24] Priscilla Rodriguez: That's a good question. I feel like I have heard this come up regardless of background and regardless of where people are also located, I mainly work with people in the US and have spoken with other people like podcast and other entrepreneurs in the us.

And I feel like that's just the case here. This kind of, you've gotta keep going, you just gotta keep going. And I think a lot of us have worked in some kind of corporate field. So sometimes it can be hard to just ask for a day off.

Where are you going submit this doctor's slip, women don't have maternity leave or it's short, in comparison to other countries. So let me jump into being an entrepreneur that's I wanna be my own boss. I wanna have control, but it's so hard to get away from that script. And we saw it growing up with our parents. We see it on tv. So it's so hard sometimes to change that script of working hard means you'll be successful. When it's like, but what about working just more efficiently or working to the point where you feel good. And it's okay, that's enough for today.

Working within boundaries. Cause I think that's healthier in the long term. 

[00:18:37] Wendy: I like that you said it's a script. I think many of us grew up with that, but I also think that it's like this idea of setting boundaries, which we also were not, especially as female entrepreneurs,

we weren't always taught that. 

[00:18:49] Priscilla Rodriguez: Exactly. Yeah. There's always been for many people, there's this part of take on the work. Because if you take on the work, that means you're noticed and that's good. That's good to be noticed, but sometimes I also need to rest.

What about encouraging women to advocate for themselves of, actually, you know what, it's okay. I need, thanks for including me, or thanks for reaching out, but can we say this maybe for next month or can we check back in? Or Actually I'm just gonna not do this at all. And that's okay.

I think there's definitely that part of it is hard and I see a lot of women in my practice where we talk about boundaries or work boundaries and it's this, I don't know, I'm talking about this strange thing. What do you mean? What is that? I can't tell my boss No.

Or I can't tell people I'll get back to you in 30 minutes. And it's okay. 

[00:19:37] Wendy: And breaking that, that's really my next question is because that is a hard place I came from that background. For the first year of my business, I was so afraid not to answer every client and know every answer like it would, 

nobody knew every answer about social media, but I thought I had to know it. That was insane. And I started when Facebook started be popular so nobody knew, right? But I felt like, oh my gosh, they won't hire me, or they won't like me, and then I was like, I still knew more than them and I can research anything.

I had to break away from that thought pattern. But that was a tough one to do because and I think it falls under you don't want to disappoint anybody. And that goes back to self-worth, if I disappoint you, then I'm not. Okay. 

Which is not true. All of that I knew is not true today, then I was still learning it, I think that's what is that where some of this onus is like, Where it's this idea of , if I can't do all the things, then maybe you won't like me.

[00:20:31] Priscilla Rodriguez: Oh yeah. That acceptance part. I think as humans, we all have this need to feel accepted. This part of feeling I belong. That you like me, and there's that part that it's like we all want to feel that.

Whether it's how we get that is very different, but I think definitely that part of if I do all the things, if I say yes, if I jump through all the hoops and I know for sure you're going to like me, but that's not always the case. That's not even a guarantee. 

[00:21:01] Wendy: And then you're never gonna make everybody happy. Everybody needs to Hear, especially when you think that everybody's gonna be your client. They're not. So, when we're talking about women who are into this, who are starting to feel burned out, stress, they were starting to doubt themselves or, what can they do to help themselves out of this?

[00:21:16] Priscilla Rodriguez: Mindset would be to remind themselves of some of these myths, of I can do it all. It's like, okay, maybe I can't do it all but, I can at least still be successful by leaning on these people for support.

Whether that's your team, whether that's your partner, whether that's the person who's getting your curbside groceries. You don't have to do it all. Right. You can lean on other people to help you be successful. I think that's a huge mindset shift that has helped me and that I have seen, has helped many women entrepreneurs.

And noticing that. And I think sometimes that starting really small of, oh yeah, I can hire someone to clean my house. I can go you get curbside or have my groceries delivered to the house, these little small things whether it's I'm gonna hand over the phone to someone else

to my business. Another mindset is being able to notice as part of trusting yourself as to why you started the business to begin with. I think sometimes when we become really stressed out and overwhelmed, we lose track of that and. it's very normal. That's happened to me many times throughout my business time or as a business owner.

But I think it's definitely having me to remind yourself, okay, why did I put myself in this situation? All right, this is important. These are the values. This is what I'm hoping to achieve. This is what I'm hoping to share with the world, and that can sometimes help in this grounding effect.

 As far as practical, going back to checking in, meditation is so important and I think when I, whenever I say meditation, sometimes people think of, I have to join a yoga studio. There's no way I can drive 30 minutes to Yoga studio, be there for an hour, drive back, oh my gosh, I have to get the cute yoga outfit.

That's not what I mean. All I mean is can you check in with yourself for 30 seconds? Can you just be mindful of how you're feeling. Meditation is what you make of it, but it's just this intention of checking in with, how am I doing right now? Do I want to be doing this task at this moment? I have my weekly to-do list and there's days that I just don't feel like writing my therapy notes for the day.

And that's okay. I can do it tomorrow. It's gonna get done. I know it's gonna get done, but it's that part of like, how am I feeling right now? Can I cancel that meeting? Can I push it back 30 minutes because I actually wanna finish my breakfast? These like little things of

How am I doing right now? How am I taking care of me? And this is something that has been so helpful for me as well. Meditation and this intention of it's okay to choose me first in those moments. Because when I do that, I'm more present in the meetings, I'm not still chewing my food and being like, oh wait, what did you say?

Because whoever's in the meeting with me is gonna be like, come on, why can't you? Hey, I showed up. Why can't you? So there's this part of noticing. your capacity. And that's what I mean, more of this awareness meditation of okay, this is what I'm doing in this moment for myself, as far as like a practical step.

And I would highly recommend starting off with 30 seconds. I think everyone has 30 seconds their day to take a deep breath. How am I doing right now? I'm really stressed out. Okay, what's making me stressed? Oh, this, can I step away from it? Can I delay it? Can I, do I need to think about it a little bit more?

So just like that thought process of going through, okay, how can I take care of me right now?

[00:24:46] Wendy: Yeah, and that makes complete sense and I love that. It's like I'm always about that. That does not have to be long time. So for me I'll be working

 But for whatever reason, my brain, by certain points of the time this, it just gets tired. And I do five minute, there's five minute nap meditations on YouTube. And I come back and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm ready to work again.

Yeah. That five minutes literally can make or break my whole entire afternoon. So that I can feel energized and I'm that's what I need. Sometimes I need five or 10. My body doesn't do 20, 30 minute naps. It just doesn't. . But for at five or 10 minutes, and sometimes I need more during the day, I'll do two or three depending on my energy level.

But what a difference. And it's about giving yourself permission to be able to do that and say, okay, , this is what I need right now. 

[00:25:33] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah. I did this workshop last week and something that they talked about for another mindset shift that really stuck with me was you're not creating oxygen.

The things that you're doing, the things that your business is doing, you're not creating oxygen. So it's not a emergency of it has to be done at this moment. Because I myself sometimes do this if oh my God, this call needs to be returned. This needs to be done right now.

Actually, it doesn't have to be done I immediately, right now, what I'm doing isn't gonna make or break some point or make or break someone. So it's it's okay. I can slow down. Sure. There's moments of crises, but I think it's, still like we're an online mental health practice.

So in those situations it's following protocol of safety, but those are very far and feet between so I think it's one of those things am I creating oxygen? No. Okay. it's gonna be okay. Ground yourself of I have permission to slow down.

[00:26:26] Wendy: I think that's great. I love that idea, and the other thing, part of that I've heard is that we're not the one who's making ourselves breathes. Cuz sometimes we think we're doing everything and it's no, thank God we don't have to make ourselves breathe because we would be like, this is more important over here

and forget. But I love that idea that you're, that, and I always say that there's no social media emergency. There is no social media emergency. I promise you. There's nothing that's gonna be so lit on fire that, and even if it was, your fans usually take care of it anyway.

 Is one of those things. So I think that's great. I wanna thank you so much for coming on the show today. It has been fabulous , I know you have an offer for the listeners. So if you could let them know what that is and how to get in touch with you, that would be fantastic.

[00:27:11] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah. Yeah. So I have different online, courses on my website, which is modernwellnesscounseling.com and on it there's an online learning portal. So there's different courses that are focused in on relationships. There's gonna be a new course, By the time you hear this, it will already be out, and it is specifically on self-esteem and just different ways to incorporate self-care, different ways to break perfectionism and get out of this head space that sometimes.

Prevent you from enjoying your life and feeling successful. So this is gonna be a really great course for anyone who's listening. You can get 20% off of any course by using the coupon code WW P 20, so for Wellness and Wealth Podcast. And then 20. Feel free to go by on modern one as counseling and check that out.

And you're welcome to email me with any questions at info modern one is counseling.com. If you have any questions about any of the courses, I'll be happy to talk and chat and to see what's the best fit for you. 

[00:28:14] Wendy: Well, thank you so much. That is awesome. What a great offer. 

I wanna thank you so much for coming on. This has been a pleasure. 

[00:28:20] Priscilla Rodriguez: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you again for having me and this is such a great podcast and everyone who's listening is getting so much information that I wish I had when I first started.

[00:28:30] Wendy: So thank you to everybody who has listened. If you love this podcast, please subscribe to make sure that you hear all of them. And then also, Please feel free to write a review for us. We'd really appreciate that. In the meantime, until next time you hear one of our podcasts have an abundant week and many blessings.