Judy Kane - What Is Really Holding You Back?

Judy Kane

[00:00:00] Wendy Manganaro: Hi everyone. My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast. I'm so happy to have you find us. And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it. This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business. 

So sit back, relax. And learn from the practical to the woo-hoo, how to best take care of you. Have a great day. Stay blessed. And leave a review when you're done listening to the show, thanks so much. 

[00:00:38] Wendy: Hi everyone. We're so pleased that you're here today. We have another great guest, so I'm gonna get right into her bio and what the topic is, and we'll get started. So today we have Judy Kane and she is the founder of Aligned Consciousness.

She helps people identify and release subconscious beliefs that keep them repeating unhealthy, stressful pattern. Her clients' experience shifts from shift switch allow them to achieve their goals with ease and comfort. She is the author of Your For Truth, How Beliefs Impact Your Life. Judy also hosts workshops and presents in group sessions, conferences and podcasts.

Originally from Richmond, Virginia. She lives near Tampa Bay, Florida, usually with a rescued cat or dog or two as part of her household and today's topic is what is really holding you back. I can't wait to get into this. And welcome Judy. Thanks for coming on the show. 

[00:01:37] Judy: I'm so happy to be here. 

[00:01:39] Wendy (2): I have to, confess, I have worked with Judy.

We met through a Mastermind and so I've worked with Judy on a couple of things, so I was like, wait a second. I've gotta have Judy on the show. She's fantastic and I love this topic of, what's really holding you back?

Cuz we've had lots of conversations, especially with my field, because a lot of times people I work with, they're afraid of tech. That's what holds 'em back. But you work with a myrad of things. 

[00:02:06] Judy: Absolutely. It can be technology, it can be many other things as well. 

[00:02:10] Wendy (2): So, one of the first questions I wanna ask you is a lot of what you deal with is subconscious belief.

So what is your definition, your working definition of a subconscious belief? 

[00:02:22] Judy: The beliefs get your subconscious, most of them by the time you're seven, you come in with a blank slate and you're a little sponge. And the first seven years, you're just trying to absorb the rules of engagement wherever you happen to land so that you can make the best of it.

So you're picking up all the rules, what's safe, what isn't, what lets you stay accepted in the group, all those things which are important, to do well. But a lot of those beliefs don't really serve you well when you grow up. And you don't know they're there unless you notice things continually happening in your life that aren't what you are consciously choosing.

So, they have a huge impact on you. They're your default set of beliefs, if you will, and they don't respond to data or logic. So you can't really, talk yourself into believing something else at the subconscious level.

[00:03:19] Wendy (2): That's interesting because I hear a lot of people who are like, I don't know why I do this.

And they don't realize they may have watched a parent do it. They may have been in a situation and in just in general in life, we're like, why do I do this? And then sometimes we think something's wrong with us because we really don't understand where or why we picked up this habit.

And I know for myself, the older I've gotten, the more things I'm releasing because they do not work for me. But when you're younger you take all of that on, it's almost like your subconscious goes, well this is what you know, and so you don't even question that there might be a problem. 

[00:04:00] Judy: Absolutely. Or a lot of people say, this is the way I am, and they accept that there's nothing they can do about it, which always makes me sad if it's something important to ' em.

[00:04:10] Wendy (2): Well to that point too I believe that's part of the reason why entrepreneurs go through burnout, because they've watched a parent who was an entrepreneur who did that, or to the opposite effect, they watched somebody who struggled with the nine to five job and they were like, I'm never doing this but yet they're still bringing all of that into trying to be an entrepreneur. You don't realize how it really affects you. 

[00:04:34] Judy: Absolutely. You don't know.

I mean, one of the clues is if you're trying to do something consciously and you're working really hard at it and it doesn't seem to be happening and it's really hard to make any headway, there are probably beliefs there running counter to that conscious goal. 

[00:04:52] Wendy: So I'm interested in a little bit of your backstory of how this manifested in your life, where you went, oh, this isn't working, or, was it somebody else who taught you this to show you?

Or was it something that you came up with on your own? 

[00:05:07] Judy: Well, no, I wasn't that clever enough to create this process. It's been around since the eighties, and I didn't have much exposure to what, I would call alternative methodologies for doing things. I was an IT management for decades, very corporate, very process driven.

Disbelieve in things I'd heard about. I just had no exposure to things that were outside of the mainstream but I saw this work with my former husband, and I was stunned at this particular process because it doesn't require me to sense energy or interpret, messages or do anything like that.

It's a facilitated process that's pretty straightforward, right in line with my IT background. So I saw it work with him and saw that it was something I could do. And that was all I needed really. I started taking workshops for it and, mainly to work with myself and friends and family that were willing.

But in 2014, I decided it was too good I wanted to share it with more people. So I started the business. 

[00:06:15] Wendy: I love what you do and like I said, I've worked with you twice, you don't have to dredge up every past horrible memory.

And not to say that there isn't a time and place for that, but at the same time. As you were talking about, the process of this, it's not like you have to live in those horrible memories and I think that's one of the most beautiful things about this is that you don't have to go, oh my gosh, I have to relive every single memory I have to try to dig that up to get to the other side of this.

So if you could speak a little bit about what that process is, because it's a Different, way to look at your subconscious than most therapists. 

[00:06:59] Judy: Absolutely. Yeah. That's one of the beauties of this process, which is called Psych K, because you don't need to, you don't need to know if there was something awful that made you have these beliefs or these reactions to things, or if you do know what it was, you don't need to put words to it and tell me, so you don't need to go back and retraumatize yourself.

If that's what's back there. It's a really gentle way to release some beliefs that people have based on bad experiences in their past. 

[00:07:33] Wendy (2): And, and I have to say it's actually funny we're on because, I have a illogical fear of mice and at the time that we worked together, I was staying in my uncle's old summer house, who had mice and I couldn't even go into the one room. It would put me in such a state of fear. And you are out there and you understand the state of fear of something that's illogical and yet you still go into that fight or flight and I just day I go into frozen, I don't even go into fight or flight, I freeze. And afterwards I was able to go into that room. I'm so grateful that we're selling that house, but after that I was able to go into that room. And what's really funny is the other day there was a snake in our new backyard and it wasn't as terrifying as, cuz I almost stepped on set snake.

And although I was not joyful about it and it did like surprise me. Because I was like, oh, hello. He went one way and I went the other and I wasn't stuck like, oh, I can't move out of my yard. And I think that's what happens is these subconscious beliefs wherever you have them, whether it's fight or flight or you freeze.

[00:08:35] Judy: Yeah, absolutely. When I work with people with phobias, the goal is to let 'em get to a point where they can choose their response. If I work with people that have a fear of flying, they logically know it's statistically more dangerous to drive to the airport than to get on the plane. Doesn't take away the panic, the panic, it's still there. Doesn't respond to logic or data, subc conscious, that's not how you get to it.

 So, when we get rid of a phobia, like that it's not that they're gonna wanna sign up to fly around the world every week, maybe, or maybe they will, I don't know. But they get to choose their response. The same way with the snake, with the mice. You don't freeze. You might not wanna start collecting snakes.

might not wanna get that mice a little hug or a kiss. But you can choose how you wanna react to it and a big deal for people who are disabled when they think about things that cause that type of reaction. 

[00:09:33] Wendy (2): It's so funny, I use a app called Balance and I love this app, so I use it and today's, questions was on what type of things stresses me and.

All of mine, were psychological, which I did not know. I was like, look at that. But it's interesting because this does help with psychological things and it helps with kind of, Physical phobia things and I think for entrepreneurs specifically, we have psychological fears like the financial piece and then there's these other fears again, and I think they're still under psychological, but we're afraid people aren't gonna like our stuff.

And so Many times these fears don't even start with anything that's truthful. You know what I mean? And it's not truthful that no one's gonna like you but this is what we do in our heads to ourselves.

What are some of the things that you've come across when it comes to entrepreneurs that you see get them to either lack of growth or close to shutting their doors?

Their belief system have taken over. 

[00:10:32] Judy: Yeah. Oh wow. It's so many things. Some of the ones that come to mind when people have come to an entrepreneur situation from corporate,

a lot of 'em I have seen, they have a subconscious belief they'll never be able to make as much as they made in corporate. Which of course isn't true because, you're more limited by corporate restraints than you are in your own business.

But it's a belief there. and if that's what your subconscious believes, that's what's gonna happen. It's self fulfilling. I worked with one woman who was doing all the right things. I don't know that I've ever worked with somebody who was just not doing stuff and wanted help.

They were all doing the right things. They all knew the right stuff, had all the things that you would need to be successful, and yet it wasn't happening, which can get really frustrating and exhausting. And for this particular, It was, she had a belief that if her business got too successful, it was gonna take too much of her time.

And then she wouldn't have me time and time for her family, which was extremely important to her. So her subconscious was making sure she wasn't successful because of that threat. And once she changed that belief, And added a belief that, she could control how much time she wanted to spend.

It was her business. Things changed. She got the client she needed, she had the balance. She wanted, it all fit just the way she wanted it to be, but she had to get that subconscious belief outta the way first. 

[00:12:09] Wendy (2): So what other negative subconscious beliefs can affect entrepreneurs?

And that's a good one that you just mentioned because one of them is, if I'm successful, I'm gonna take away too much time. I think the fear of success period, there's a consistency that goes with that. There's all sorts of beliefs, like, I'm gonna have to pay more money.

No matter what side of the scale, and sometimes I think that entrepreneurs starting out are more fearful of being successful than they are being failures. Because if they're failures, then there doesn't have to be a level of consistency. There doesn't have to be a level of fulfillment of is this really what I want? I can try something. You know what I mean? 

[00:12:49] Judy: Yeah. The fear of failure is more related to risk taking, I think. Yeah. Whereas the fear of success there's so many things that, that do come in there. It means you would have to be more visible.

Which is not comfortable for many people. It means that you would probably have to have a. Relationship with money and money is one of the most complicated things, because we get so many mixed messages growing up. So there's a lot of, money stuff that can show up. A lot of times you'll see it where there's a lot of self-sabotage.

 And that's your subconscious keeping you from being successful. You'll forget to put the thing on the calendar or you'll double book or you'll make errors or you'll lose the things that are important. Lots of self-sabotage can go on, when your subconscious is trying to keep you from that success, which you think is not good for you.

 You can think, one of them is In order to be successful, you have to work 80 hour weeks. Well, you don't.

[00:13:54] Wendy (2): Yeah, I'm very anti hussle by the way. That's like the reason why one of the reason why I started this show.

And so funny cuz I watched my family doing that. You weren't working unless you work seven days a week. 14 hour days and then you got one vacation a year. I grew up with entrepreneurs and that was their belief system. And if you didn't work, if you took any more breaks than that, then everything was gonna fall apart.

 And I watch it exhaust them, like physically, mentally because at some point in time doesn't get exhausted from, and you get exhausted or you couldn't keep up with one person in the family, in the business and like you weren't pulling your weight. It's such a psychological thing and you don't get as much because you can't work as many hours.

None of it was logical, but, that's a true thing for people. They go and I don't deserve it unless I work that hard.

[00:14:45] Judy: Yep. There's a deserve thing. There's the belief that you don't know enough to be that good or to charge that much, or, the people that are constantly going for the next license or, course or, whatever it is they think they need one more thing to make sure that they know what they need to know to go out there and be successful.

And, you need a base level to get started, but then it's like when people have a money goal, when they get to it and they don't feel different, they figure that the goal has to be higher. So there's never enough money, there's never enough education or licensing or certification or, you can feel that there's that lack there of all sorts of resources.

But those are two, not enough time, not enough clients, all the scarcity stuff. 

[00:15:35] Wendy: Scarcity in general of whatever it is., and let's talk a second about this because I've learned over the years your subconscious is ideally trying to protect you. It's not doing it to put up more pitfalls. It's a protection method. That overextends itself.

[00:15:53] Judy: And actually I don't think the subconscious cares, but it's something, it's that you have installed as a way of dealing with whatever situation you were in.

And for the most part, I think that's for safety reasons, some sort of protection. So this is the thing that needs to be true for you to be safe or happy or, fulfilled or whatever the thing is. 

[00:16:19] Wendy: And one of the interesting things I wanted to bring up, then I'll have another question.

But one of the things that I think is really interesting is that this doesn't have to. 25 years in therapy, and I'm not being funny about that. I know that people need therapy. But I, sometimes I think that people go to therapy and they think that it has to be a.

30 year process. And I've been in therapy and my therapists are always like, no, there's a window. Let's work on this. And there's a window, but really for what you do, there's even a smaller window. Ali, that's been my experience with you, and so I'd love for you to talk about the idea that it.

[00:16:54] Judy: No, it didn't. And I would like to make the distinction between me and therapists and coaches. People who are licensed or are credentialed in some way. I'm not any of those. It's not something you can get with what I use . So be clear about that.

And what I do actually, many coaches, I work with in partnership when they have a client that's stuck. They will send them to me for a session to change those beliefs, and then they go back to the coaches program. I don't do behavior strategy, accountability, any of those things. All I do is focus on those subconscious beliefs, and you can change any one subconscious belief usually in less than five minutes.

So it's a fast change process. Now, most situations are more complex than one single belief. Phobias are the exception. Those are pretty fast to get rid of, but other things are usually a little more complicated cuz we're complex human beings and so there's a variety of things at play when something has gotten to the point where you just can't break through the barriers usually.

But it's a fast change process. I say, many times when those coaches send a client to me, it's one session. And they can get through the blocks that are keeping 'em from being successful in those coaching programs, which is what their goal was. Now, sometimes they'll come back to do a little more work on a particular thing, or they see how it works for that and come back for other things, because it is, it's a very fast way to get things moving in the direction.

But the coaches have all the, and now this is how you wanna do it and all the knowledge and wisdom that comes from coaches. Therapists have an equally important role of helping people understand, Triggers and their behaviors and their patterns and helping 'em change the conscious story that people tell themselves, which is also, sometimes just as hard to get past as the subconscious ones.

But it's a very different approach and I don't have, as much as I like my clients and love it when they come back, it's not a long term thing for the same topic. 

[00:19:13] Wendy (2): So when I came back to Judy, I was actually having an issue with a family member, which I did not wanna call. I could not bring myself to call this woman or deal with the situation, . And since then I've totally changed and from that I decided that in this case, attorneys will speak better than I will and I don't have to get involved in all of that insanity. But that's part of that subconscious thought I had to answer her.

And I don't. And learning to set those boundaries is a good star of changing the subconscious because your subconscious somehow tells you that there is none. sometimes I was like, wait a second, I'm an adult woman. I'm not 12 anymore. There can be boundaries and this is unacceptable.

And so trying to get to that point. Now, obviously there's other issues there, but to that point of that subconscious that really did help because I was like, wait a second. I could take a step back and believe something different. And I think especially when it comes to, people who are you're afraid of dealing with, whether it's like somebody at work or whatever, it's that first belief of

getting to a point of that you're really an equal. You're not less than or more than. Most people come with this, either childlike or egotistical viewpoint but either way it doesn't lend itself to great communication, which in this case I found is better through attorneys.

[00:20:36] Judy: You've got to say, what would you rather be? 

[00:20:39] Wendy (2): I think idea of getting to a better baseline of what is real as opposed to what we consciously sometimes make up in our head too, or at least continue to live consciously in our head if it comes from a subconscious thought.

I have one more question so if an entrepreneur starts to realize that we'll go back to this idea of I'm afraid of tech, cuz that's a great one. That's one I hear all the time. I don't know how to do this or I'm afraid of it, or I have to wait for my kid to do it for me or a friend cuz I can't afford it.

What's a good first step for somebody who goes, oh yeah, I've been living on subconscious beliefs? 

[00:21:18] Judy: Notice the patterns, subconscious beliefs come up in patterns. The one offs, isn't it? If you have one experience where you don't want to use some technology, That's not necess, that's probably not a subconscious belief, but if you notice over and over again, you're having the same reaction and the same lack of progress or results that you want in any, whatever that might be, it's probably subconscious beliefs that are contributing to it.

So getting really clear about what you'd rather it be like is a good first step. That's a lot of times people come and they know what they don't want, but they aren't real clear about what they do want. If it's truly a fear of technology as opposed to a fear of being visible, it's good to know the difference between that the marketing is a way of being visible.

So you might be using the technology as an excuse to not put yourself out there. So getting really clear about what the issue is and isn't, and then figure out what you'd rather it be like, and decide are there things you can do about it, but clarity on what you want, which means picture it in visual details, I daydream about what would it sound like if it's the way I want it to be?

What are other people saying? What am I saying? How does, what's the emotion I'm feeling when it's the way I want it to be? I'll, that can go a long ways towards, clearing out some of the stuff. 

[00:22:56] Wendy (2): I like that idea because I remember when I started, Doing manifestation work and mindset work in general.

First of all, I had no idea how much of lack I lived in back then, and I recently found my first coaching journal, and I was reading through and I was like, oh, oh my, oh my goodness. It's really good to be able to see your own progress when you find stuff , but 

the thing that you said that's stuck with me and I remember back then is that she kept asking, well, what do you want? And I had no idea because I was so stuck in what I was to be able to visualize where I could go. It just seems so foreign. 

[00:23:41] Judy: We're not taught to do that very well.

Sports is one exception where, sometimes they do that, picture the ball going where you want. I'm familiar with certain real estate companies that have people do some visualization with sales and stuff, but generally speaking, it's not something that we're taught to be very clear.

[00:24:03] Wendy (2): And it can change so much and I think I ended up starting with okay, so I know what I don't want. So, then I started asking myself what's the exact opposite, because it was so foreign.

To me, the concept that I had to like, go. Okay, so what would be the opposite of this? Do I want that? Okay. Maybe that's a little better. 

[00:24:22] Judy: I'd go through that with clients frequently, some of 'em come in with their prioritized list of beliefs. They want to be true, but others, it's like they just know that they're not happy with the way things are.

[00:24:33] Wendy: I think that's great. So it has been a pleasure to have you on the show today. I know that you have an offer for our guests, so I will let you let them know how to get in touch with you and what your offer is. 

[00:24:44] Judy: Sure. And thank you. I've enjoyed being here.

They can go to my website, Aligned Consciousness and one of the pages there, has a bunch of free resources that they can download. If you want to learn more about subconscious beliefs, there's several things there. They can download and read and get to know more about it. 

Also on the website, they can go and they can book a, a free 15 minute phone consult with me if they have more questions or, wanna know how it might work with whatever they're experiencing. 

[00:25:14] Wendy (2): That's great. Thank you so much for spending your time with us today, Judy, and I appreciate all of our listeners and we will be back next this Wednesday.

don't forget to hit that subscribe button in the meantime.